Happy Holidays! Right?
I wish. Just because everyone is wishing everyone else happy holidays doesnโt mean everyoneโs having those happy holidays. Too many of us aren’t happy. We want to feel content with our life. We want to feel peace. But we don’t and we’re not quite sure why.
I spent years of my life wondering why I wasnโt happy. On paper, everything lined up. I had the college degree, the husband, the house, the kids, even the dog. But inside I was far form happy. In fact, there were many days Iโd say I was miserable, stressed, and sad. I would beat myself up and ask why I wasnโt happier. Didnโt I have it all? Wasnโt this the life I designed? And if so, then why couldnโt I just be happy dammit!?!ย
Truthfully? Because I was spending my days and my years doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. I was thinking the same thoughts expecting something to change.ย
โIf you want something to change, you must change something.โ Wayne Dyer Click To TweetWhat changed things for me? Learning that I was not my thoughts. Just because I thought something didnโt mean it was true. My head might be telling me one thing but I was in charge of whether I paid attention to it or not. Huh? Yep, thoughts are just thoughts. Thoughts are sentences in our head. Things weโre telling ourselves that arenโt necessarily true. They’re often things weโve been told in the past by parents or siblings but are not necessarily true. The average human has 60-80,000 thoughts a day. Yep, we have 60-80,000 sentences bouncing around our head daily. Imagine if we could see those thoughts. Imagine if each thought was written on a scrap of paper. Thatโs a LOT of paper. Thatโs a lot of things to pay attention to.ย
Feeling overwhelmed? This may help. We donโt actually pay attention to 96% of those thoughts. Our days are spent doing the same thing that weโve done over and over without consciously choosing differently. So, not only do we not read all of those scraps of paper, the pieces we do read are usually the same pieces we read yesterday, the day before yesterday, and the day before the day before yesterday. Do you have trouble remembering the difference between December2016 and December 2014? This is why. You keep choosing the same pieces of paper. Itโs like youโve pushed โrepeatโ on your life. Sure, your kids continue to grow and your external environment may change, but you feel like time has sped up and youโre on some crazy loop. You are. Youโre in a rut. Letโs wake you up.
Here are 3 Ways to get out of your rut. I encourage you to choose ONE and focus on it for 3-4 weeks before starting another. Big change starts with little steps.
1) Start Sitting Still to Watch Your Thoughts. Yep, some people call this meditating. But my experience has been that if I encourage a mom to start meditating her eyes glaze over and she looks like she’s going to have a panic attack. She immediately thinks: โDid this woman not just hear how busy my day is? How much I have going on? How stressed and miserable I am?!?โ Instead, I encourage you to set a timer for 5 minutes, to close your eyes, to breathe deeply, andโฆ.watch your thoughts. Meditating is not about stopping thinking. We have 60-80,000 thoughts a day. Our mind is going to wander. Itโs going to think one of those thoughts. Instead, your intent is to become aware of what you are thinking. Which thoughts are you thinking? What are you telling yourself? So how do you sit and watch your thoughts? 3 Steps:
ย ย ย ย (1) Focus on something thatโs not a thought (like your breath or a ticking clock),ย
ย ย ย ย (2) Your mind wanders,ย
ย ย ย ย (3) Bring your focus back to what youโre focusing on.ย
The magic happens between steps two and three. That moment when you notice: โHey, Iโm thinking about what Iโm going to get at Target, not my breathโ is your magical moment! No drama needed. No beating yourself up โSee, I knew I couldnโt meditateโ. This is meditating! The moment you notice your mind has starting thinking again but bring it back to the thing youโre focusing on, is when your brain does a push up. This is the magic and this is the beginning of more conscious living.ย
2) Start Telling the Truth. Who you? How dare I imply you arenโt honest all the time. Sorry but youโre not. Think of those times when you agree to something that you donโt want to do. How about those times when youโre asked if you can help with something and you say โyesโ when your brain is screaming “Hell NO!”. This does not help you or anyone around you. You probably say yes in an effort to โpeople pleaseโ; to make someone elseโs life easier. This topic in itself is huge and Iโve written whole blogs on it. For now, think of the cost of not telling the truth. Think of those times that youโve said yes to help or do something that you didnโt want to do. How did you act to your spouse or kids when you came home? Saying yes to something you donโt want to do has itโs consequences. In addition to you paying the price in fatigue and burnout, you know who else does? Those sweet people you live with. Your spouse and your kids. Before you say yes to someone you see every now and then, think of why youโre putting their needs above your kids, their needs above your spouse, their needs above yours. Start telling the truth by saying something simple like: โThat wonโt work for meโ. โI will not be attendingโ.ย
3) Start Dumping Your Brain. Yes, you could call this journaling however, similar to meditation, when I suggest clients begin journaling I get that same deer in the headlight look. Call it what you want. Journaling is the single most helpful tool to feel calmer. It is the single most powerful tool in managing your mind. It is the best way to understand why youโre feeling a certain way. Why? When you sit and write down what youโre thinking you see which of those 60-80,000 thoughts are driving your day. Remember how we donโt consciously choose to think 96% of the thoughts we think? Journaling, or โdumping your brain onto paperโ is the how you we take back control of our days. When we see which thoughts we are focusing on, we see how those thoughts are influencing us. Try it. Think of what happens when you discover youโre consistently thinking: โIโm too busyโ or โIโm disorganizedโ or โI hate my jobโ or โMy house is a messโ or โMy husband doesnโt listen to meโ. Even if you continue to think exactly what youโre thinking, being aware of what youโre choosing to focus on helps you feel more in control of your life. How do you do a brain dump?ย
(1) Set a timer for 5 minutes and answer the question: โWhat am I thinking?โ or โWhat am I feeling?โ
(2) Write down everything youโre thinking.
Resist editing or wondering what anyone else will think if they read it. The goal is to get the thoughts out of your head and down on paper. Writeย and write and write without thinking of what you’re writing, who will read it, what your writing means, etc….just write it all. If you findย yourself holding back in your writing, maybe you should start with idea #2, start telling the truth. If you filter what youโre writing, you are slowing your progress and growth. You arenโt telling yourself the truth. You can write your thoughts out on toilet paper and flush it. Write it out on paper and burn it. Just write.ย
Gift yourself the chance to slow time down this year. Choose one of the above actions and start today. If you choose #1 or #3, please write them on your calendar and schedule them in. If you choose #2, please schedule a time at night to pause and think of where you told the truth that day when you were tempted to do otherwise. No matter which action you choose, tell your coach or someone close to you what youโre doing. Change happens one small step at a time and is easier with an accountability buddy. Look around: You are not here on this earth alone which means you are not meant to do this alone. While you are not superwoman or superman, you are super. Take a step today to let that super-ness shine through. I believe in you.ย
LISTEN HERE
WATCH HERE
