3 Pieces of Healthy Love
Relationships affect our health, our wealth, our business success, our daily enjoyment, and our life span.
As an adult, you have more control over the health of your relationships than you might realize. First, you get to choose who you spend your time with. Second, you get to choose how you interact and relate to others. In other blogs I’ve written about the “who“. This blog puts the control firmly in your hands by giving you three ways for you to examine “how” you show up in your relationships.
1. Tell the Truth:
Most of us donโt walk around thinking weโre dishonest, however, how many of us tell little white lies all day long. For example, when asked, we might tell our friend we like her skirt even though we think itโs hideous. Or, when you are too exhausted to go to book club, do we say that our husband is running late + our son needs help with his history project?
Yoohoo..stop! Sure, our intentions are good – we are usually telling people what we think they want to hear.
But why? Because weโre afraid of what others would think or are afraid of how they would react. Or maybe we think telling someone the truth would be hurtful. All of these reasons are made from a good place but are flawed in that we can control how another person thinks or feels. Ever. We only control our thoughts + feelings and when we say things that arenโt our truth, we end up hurting others.
2. Donโt Make Assumptions:
-Heโs late to pick me up. He must beโฆ
-She didnโt call me back. She must be angry thatโฆ.
-He never returned my email. He must thinkโฆ..
-He didnโt offer me dessert because he thinks โฆ.
-She cancelled our coffee becauseโฆ.
In all of the above situations, itโs in our best interest to not finish the sentences in our heads and communicate openly with the other person instead. Why? Because we do not know what the person is thinking. We like to make up a bunch of stories about why things happen but we can not read other peopleโs minds. The only way we know what someone else is thinking or feeling is if we open our mouths and ask what they’re thinking. Find the courage to ask questions in your relationships and you will avoid drama. โWhen in doubt, shout it outโ is a mantra I use in my coaching and personal life.
How does this work in real life? Take the above example of your friend not returning you call: Instead of making assumptions, be courageous and ask her why she didnโt return your call. Whatโs the worst that can happen? Sheโs angry you asked? Well, you already think she is angry so no loss there. Donโt make assumptions about other people, what theyโre doing, or what theyโre thinking. Communicate as truthfully as you can.
3. Donโt Take Anything Personally:
Nothing others do or say is because of you. If someone is critical of you or judging you for something youโve done, itโs not about you, itโs about them. Think about it by reversing the roles and considering where you are judgmental in your life. If Iโm in a restaurant, I could care less if someone doesnโt put their napkin on their lap before eating but sit me next to a family who spends the whole meal on their phones and boy do I become critical. Why? I donโt care about the napkin because Iโm comfortable with my own table manners. However, the familyโs phone behavior triggers me because I am sensitive about the amount I use my phone and itsโ distraction in my life.
When we can see what weโre judging and how we are judging it because itโs something weโre working on or something, we can see how othersโ judgement of us is a projection of their own feelings, their own experiences, and has little to do with us.
Take this week to look at your relationships with an open and un-critical mind. Where are you not telling the truth? Why? Where are you making assumptions? What would it take for you to communicate? Where are you taking someoneโs behavior personally? How would it feel if you stopped?
The more we communicate in our relationships, the more fulfilling our relationships will be. Click To TweetWATCH HERE:
Hi Susie
Your blog truly helped me in life … As do the conversations we hold together .
Thanks
Paul