Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | RSS | More
How to Stop Feeling Resentful in Marriage and Motherhood with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife
If you’ve ever felt resentful in your marriage or motherhood, you’re not alone. Many of us reach a point where we feel overextended, underappreciated, and quietly frustrated by the very people we love most.
In this week’s episode of the Love Your Life Show, I sit down with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, a marriage and relationship expert who helps people grow into deeper self-awareness and emotional maturity. We talk about how relationships are not meant to be conflict free or make us feel comfortable. Rather, they’re meant to help us grow.
Dr. Finlayson-Fife shares her empowering framework that marriage and parenting are people-development containers. They help us see ourselves more clearly and invite us to confront the parts of us that need attention and growth.
Relationships Are People Developers
Dr. Finlayson-Fife explains that our closest relationships serve as mirrors. They reveal the parts of ourselves we might not otherwise see: our fears, insecurities, and patterns of behavior. Instead of trying to change or fix the other person, she encourages us to ask, “What is this relationship showing me about me?”
The shift from blame to curiosity is the foundation of emotional maturity. It’s also where resentment begins to soften, because we start taking responsibility for our experience rather than trying to control others.
What It Means to Self-Confront and Take Responsibility
When we self-confront, we turn inward instead of outward. Instead of waiting for others to change, we start noticing where we’ve been avoiding our own truth.
Dr. Finlayson-Fife says that self-confrontation isn’t about blame or shame and looking for all the things we’re doing wrong. Rather, it’s about accountability and asking questions like:
- What part of this dynamic am I contributing to?
- How might I be accommodating in ways that feel “nice” but actually breed resentment later?
- What am I pretending not to know?
Taking this honest look at ourselves isn’t always comfortable, but it’s deeply freeing. It helps us step into our own integrity and rebuild connection from a place of authenticity.
Why Midlife Women Feel So Responsible
So many of us, especially women in midlife, feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness. We’ve been conditioned to think being “good” means being compliant.
Dr. Finlayson-Fife explains that this pattern often leads to what she calls costly accommodation. Costly accommodation is when we sacrifice ourselves to keep the outer peace. Essenetially we choose outer peace over inner peace. The cost of this accomodation is that over time, this sacrificing of the self builds up resentment and erodes emotional intimacy in the relationship.
Instead, she encourages women to practice self-authoring: learning to define themselves from the inside out. This means asking, What do I want? What feels true to me? Rather than constantly scanning for what others expect.
It’s not selfish to have needs and desires. In fact, it’s the foundation of genuine love. Listen in to this episode of the Love Your Life Show to see how, when we show up honestly in our relationships, everyone benefits.
From Resentment to Connection
Resentment is often a sign that we’ve stopped telling the truth – to ourselves or to others. When we avoid conflict by over-accommodating, we may look like the “nice one,” but deep down we’re pulling away.
Dr. Finlayson-Fife calls this victim entitlement. When we stay in relationships while seething in silence. It’s not maturity, and it’s not love (for us or for them!)
True connection happens when two emotionally mature people take responsibility for their own well-being and come together to build a bridge. This bridge is one based on honesty, self-awareness, and compassion.
How to Start Healing Resentment Today
If you’re feeling resentful in your marriage or motherhood, start by listening to the episode. Eloisa, please hyperlink the youtube video to the words “listening to the episode” Dr. Finlayson-Fife has a way of explaining these things that my words in this blog post don’t do justice too. I find when I listen to her, I get into an almost meditative, learning state. I’d love to share that with you.
And yes, since you’re here, how to heal resentment? Here are some ways to start:
- Pause and reflect. What is this resentment trying to show me about myself?
- Own your truth. Where am I saying yes when I mean no?
- Communicate honestly. Share your perspective with kindness and courage.
- Practice curiosity. Instead of judging yourself or your partner, get curious about your patterns.
As Dr. Finlayson-Fife reminds us, our relationships are not meant to complete us, they’re meant to grow us.
Final Thoughts
Resentment doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong relationship. It’s a sign that there’s something inside you asking to be seen and understood. When we stop trying to please everyone and start showing up as our full, honest selves, we create relationships that feel more peaceful, connected, and real.
Listen to the full conversation with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on episode 388 of the Love Your Life Show for more personal examples on how to move from resentment to connection in your marriage and motherhood journey.
Who is Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife:
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. Her teaching and coaching focus on helping individuals and couples create greater connection and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships.
In addition to her private practice, Dr. Finlayson-Fife has created five empowering and highly-reviewed online courses. Each course was designed to give LDS individuals and couples the tools requisite to creating healthier lives and stronger intimate relationships. Dr. Finlayson-Fife also offers many workshops and retreats where she teaches these life-changing principles in person.
Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a frequent guest on the subjects of sexuality, relationships, mental health, and faith. She is also the creator and host of Room for Two, a popular sex and intimacy coaching podcast.
Want more support?
📩 Subscribe to the weekly newsletter so you never miss an episode.
💬 This is a GREAT episode to share with a friend. Who knows, you might pair up and take her Art of Desire Class together! Share the link to this show on Apple and Spotify here https://smbwell.com/listen
👩🏼🎓Take it to the next level and join the Love Your Life School
📸 Tag me on Instagram @smb.wellness so I can cheer you on!
