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What to Say When Someone Is Rude or Disrespectful

If you’ve ever walked away from an interaction thinking, “Why do I feel so drained?” or “Why didn’t I stand up for myself?”; you’re not alone. For many of us, especially women in midlife who’ve spent years pleasing people, learning what to say when someone is rude or disrespectful can feel overwhelming.

The good news? You can absolutely protect your energy without escalating the situation. Today, I’ll share two simple yet powerful tools (thanks to Jefferson Fisher, a lawyer turned communication coach) that will help you set boundaries, handle toxic people, and keep your self-authority intact.

Why Rude, Toxic, or Emotionally Immature People Throw Us Off

Many of us were raised to be the peacemaker, the fixer, the one who smoothed things over. Somewhere along the line, we picked up beliefs like:

• “If someone’s upset, it must be my fault.”
• “If they’re unhappy, I did something wrong.”

So when a teen gets snippy, a spouse is dismissive, or a parent makes a passive-aggressive comment, our nervous system goes into overdrive. We get reactive. Often we try to fix it, over explain, shut down completely or revert to the tactics mentioned in this past blog post. 

The result? Exhaustion. Resentment. Feeling like other people control our mood. Been there, done that, right?

Here’s the mindset reframe: you cannot control emotionally immature people. But you can learn to protect your energy, set healthy boundaries with family, and stop feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions.

Tool #1: Use a Calm Phrase

Toxic or disrespectful people thrive on reaction. They throw out bait, and most of us bite: we defend, justify, or over-apologize.

A calm phrase is a short, steady statement that anchors you and stops the spiral. Here are three examples:

• “I hear you.”
• “That’s not going to work for me.”
• “I see it differently.”

That’s it. Deliver the calm phrase and stop talking. I give several real life examples of how I and my clients used calm phrases in episode 377 of the Love Your Life Show.  This communication technique is so helpful because there’s no debate, no defending, and your energy stays in tact. Add to that, our relationships avoid excess drama. Not everyone who pushes back is a narcissist or toxic person. Our teens are emotionally immature by nature and for the rest of us adults, depending on how we’re thinking, we’ll be in different stages of emotional maturity too.

Calm phrases and keeping your energy are protective for you and for the relationships that matter to you. They’re like a pause button for your nervous system.

Tool #2: Name the Game

The second strategy is called “Name the Game.” This comes in handy when someone’s reactive, is in catastrophic thinking, or tries to dismiss your feelings. Think of these situations:

• A teen saying, “You’re ruining my life.”
• A spouse saying, “You’re too sensitive.”
• A family member saying, “You always overreact.”

Instead of defending yourself, calmly name the game! Aloud or in your head, describe what’s happening:

• “That feels dismissive.”
• “Hmm, that sounds like blame.”
• “That’s not how I remember it.”

It’s short, clear, and powerful. You’re not escalating or shaming. Rather, you’re simply shining a light on the behavior. And in doing so, you stay anchored in your self-authority.

Protect Your Peace This Season

Whether it’s dealing with toxic people at work, learning how to set boundaries with family, or practicing how to stop people pleasing, these tools work. You can’t stop rude people from being rude, but you can stop letting them drain you. Further, we are all emotionally immature at times. Use these tools to stay in your emotional adult self when the people around you are acting like emotional children.

This is the Let Them Theory graduate level. Siblings will judge. Spouses will be moody. Teens may get snippy. Use one of these two conversation tools to keep your calm in the process.

We’re Not Meant to Do This Alone

Warrior, I know this isn’t easy. When you first try these tools, your chest may feel tight, your throat may close up, and everything in you will want to defend or explain. That’s normal.

But here’s the truth: you don’t have to do this alone. You learned people pleasing in relationship with others, and you’ll unlearn it faster with support. That’s why I’m offering a free webinar this week called Emotional Freedom: How to Stop Feeling Responsible for Everyone’s Feelings and Experiences.👉 Sign up now at smbwell.com/freedom.

If you miss the live training, you can always join me inside the Love Your Life School, where we go deeper into everything I teach here.

Because the world doesn’t need more drained, over-explaining women. The world needs the calm, steady, empowered you.

And how wonderful would it feel to step into this holiday season as that woman? Learn more here: http://TheLoveYourLifeSchool.com

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