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Breaking Free from Judgement and Codependency
Are there times when you think the other people in your life should do things in their life differently? For example, you think “they’re doing it wrong?”
How often do you feel anxious or uncomfortable with the way people are behaving or acting in their lives?
If you sometimes think the people you love are doing it wrong or they need to do something more your way, listen in. This episode of the Love Your Life Show teaches you actionable steps to break free from judgment and codependency.
In today’s world, many women in midlife struggle with codependency and the burden of emotional labor in their relationships. This episode addresses common challenges such as feeling the need to fix others or thinking they’re doing things “wrong.” Discover how letting go of judgment can lead to more peace and authentic connections.If this is you, this week’s Love Your Life Show Episode will help you so much.
Today’s episode is on judgement. In particular, our judgement of others, which is what is happening when we think they’re doing it wrong. I give you three steps to help you feel less triggered in the moment so that you can feel more peace and foster more connection to your loved ones.
Awareness of Judgement and Codependency
To begin, I’d like for you to bring to mind a recent example of when you’ve judged someone you love. Preferably a child, a partner, a parent, or a dear friend. Someone who matters greatly to you.
Knowing you and how you’re a kind-hearted individual, you probably didn’t see it as judging. Please play with me to think of a time when maybe you thought “they’re doing it wrong” or “They shouldn’t do it that way” or “they need to try this or do it this way”.
If you can’t think of something, try to remember the last time you recommended something or gave advice to someone when you weren’t asked for a recommendation or advice. Use that example as we move through the three steps. If you can’t come up with an example, listen in to the episode as I describe a scenario that comes up for many.
How To Break Free from Judgement and Codependency
Step One: Awareness and Curiosity
Why are we judging them? Do you know why we think they should be doing something other than what they’re doing? Well, let me tell you why we think we’re doing it and then why we’re actually doing it.
Firstly, we think we’re doing it because we love them. We think it’s our job to help our lonely parent, depressed husband, disconnected child to “feel better”. Further, we think we need to step in and “help” our person do the “right” thing.
We hide our judgement in a sort of passive aggressive, righteous place, masquerading as love. Thinking things like “Don’t they see they’re doing it wrong?” or “If only they did this it would be better.” And on and on. That’s why we think we’re doing it.
Why are we really doing it?
Foremost, it’s because we’re not remembering to use our emotional intelligence. Furthermore, we are doing it is because we’re uncomfortable with their discomfort. And so, instead of us feeling our feelings, we try to change them. Instead of focusing on ourselves and our experience, we distract ourselves by thinking of them and their experience and usually try to fix or control them.
This is deep emotionally adult thought work now so be kind to yourself as most of us do this. Never forget that you’re far advanced than most. Many people don’t mature emotionally past an emotional teenager. They aren’t listening to this podcast and aren’t members of the Love Your Life School.
It’s going to do you no good to flip from judging them to judging yourself, dear one. This first step is all about awareness.
Step Two: Empower Yourself
In this second step, you empower yourself by taking your emotional power back. Instead of focusing on what the other people in our life are or aren’t doing, let’s focus on you.
What do you have more control of? That they’re sitting alone or not engaging or not going to the events at their senior living center? Or you and your thoughts that are creating your feelings?
Spoiler alert warrior, it’s the latter. You are in control of you and your brain. In healthy, non coercive relationships, you don’t have control over what the other person does, nor should you. . The more we step back from living someone else’s lives or carrying the emotional load of trying to manage someone else’s feelings, the more we will all flourish.
Step Three: Shut Your Mouth
The third step to break free from judgement and codependency is simple but not easy. Practice keeping your mouth shut this week. Just this week. Yes, it can be that simple. And yes, I know, it’s not easy to keep your mouth shut or to not give advice.
See if you can practice this week. Notice where you’re thinking the thought “they’re doing it wrong”. Further, notice where you’re uncomfortable with something someone else is doing or not doing. Take a deep breath, be honest with yourself that while your brain is telling you it’s their problem, it’s actually yours to deal with. I find that taking a deep breath helps me keep my mouth closed.
It can be that simple.
I’ve been practicing this for a while and it does get easier to keep my mouth shut. You know why? Because when I do, I leave room for my loved ones to have the experiences they’re meant to have. How do we learn? Through advice? Nope. We humans learn through experiences. And when I step back from codependency and taking responsibility for their emotions, we all flourish.
Let the other humans have their human experiences. You’re here to have your human experience.
Why do we want to limit our Judgement and Codependency?
Frankly, because it feels better warrior. Maybe not in the short term when we choose to feel our own discomfort instead of fixing or getting bossy with them. However, it feels better in long term, this feels better to us and is way more helpful for our relationships.
If you want to feel different, we must think differently.
How great might it feel to not take responsibility for everyone else’s life and feeling states?
I’m in.
This is the path of the warrior.
I love you and honor you for being on this path and listening to podcasts like this. Knowing you’re out there makes my day brighter. Thank you. Lets go!
Resources to Break Free from Judgement and Codependency:
⭐️Let Them
⭐️Over Functioning and Learned Helplessness
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