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Confidence in Midlife
What do you wish you had more of? More sweaters? Knick knacks? More coffee mugs? You know what I could always use more of? Confidence!
Confidence is a Feeling
First, it’s important to understand that confidence is a feeling. It is not a state some people are born with and others are not, like having freckles. We must feel confident based on the thoughts we are thinking. This is important so please don’t skate over it.
The thoughts we should think cause us to feel confident or not. With some deliberate thinking, we can strengthen our confidence. Or with some unintentional thinking, we can weaken our confidence.
In this podcast episode, I give two examples of how this showed up in my life. I also used this on my life coaching skills to build confidence.
A Balancing Act Between Self-Doubt and Empowerment
Confidence and self-doubt are two sides of the same coin. Imagine an old-fashioned sliding scale, like the ones we used in science class. On one end is confidence, and on the other is self-doubt. To boost my confidence, I need to move away from, or decrease, my self-doubt.
It’s crucial to understand that these two are on the same spectrum. Otherwise, I might mistakenly believe that my negative thinking is separate from my confident thinking. It’s not. The more I allow self-doubt or critical thoughts to creep in, the less confident I feel.
The patriarchal system and “good girl” programming also play a role in how confident I feel. It’s important to be aware of these influences so I can challenge them and build my confidence.
Tools to Practice Building our Confidence in Midlife
Here are two ways to practice using the metaphor of the pedals on a car, the brake and the accelerator in your car. We want to push the accelerator on the confident thoughts and push the brake of the self doubt thoughts.
1. Pillow Pride
When you lay your wonderful head on the pillow, please pause to think of something you did well. Try not to let perfectionist thinking get in your way. You wanted to feel good in your bathing suit, so you put it on and went to the beach. But when you got there, you felt unsure and kept your cover-up on. Practice thinking: I’m proud of myself for putting on my bathing suit and going to the beach. Give yourself credit. Start thinking thoughts that support your confidence. Get into a daily practice of looking at what you do well and what you’re good at.
2. Line In The Sand
This week, make a firm decision to stop criticizing yourself. No more mean self-talk, period.
The human being is flawed. That is the nature of human existence. We are a work in progress. There is no perfection. So while you can get better at whatever you’re trying to do, you also could be worse. I refuse to spend time beating myself up for where I am on my journey. I know that the most important relationship I have in my life is the one I have with myself. People will come and go from my life. But I will always be here, speaking to myself in my head and I am done being a little bleep to myself. I’d love it if you played along. When you press the brakes on what you allow in your own head, you create room for thoughts of confidence in there. Can you draw a line in the sand with yourself this week?
Don’t Miss This!
If you find yourself listening to the podcasts and thinking “I will do that” or “I will practice that”, and then get to the next week and think: “dammit, what happened?”, today is your lucky day.
If you often listen to podcasts and think, “I’ll do that!” but then never actually do it, today’s your lucky day! My online school, the Love Your Life School, is enrolling right now.
Next month, we’re focusing on building true confidence. This is the perfect place to get the support and accountability you need to actually make changes and feel better about yourself. We’ll even have a confidence challenge and training!
The more of us who feel calm and confident, the better the world becomes. So don’t miss out! This is a great time to join.
Find support here:
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