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Emotional Safety in Relationships: Insights from Tarah Kerwin

In this episode of the Love Your Life Show, I sat down with Tarah Kerwin, creator of the Relationship Renovation, to explore emotional safety in relationships and how our childhood trauma can shape our adult lives. Tarah and I shared personal stories on some of the unhelpful patterns we have used in relationship. We discussed how to begin to break free from unhealthy patterns, what emotional safety is, how to begin to build it, and the importance of healing our past.

Listen in to this episode on Emotional Safety to:

• Learn more about People Pleasing Behaviors in Relationships.
• Understand how codependency shows up in our relationships.
• Why we feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness.
• The connection between our unresolved childhood trauma and emotional exhaustion and resentment.
• What coaches and therapists actually mean when we say practice self compassion and self awareness. (You’ll learn actual things to practice and do)
• How to heal childhood trauma.
• Tara Brach’s RAIN technique and how we can use it to heal our trauma and support our relationships.
• What emotional safety is and how to get more of it in your relationships.
• And much more! Listen here on Apple or Spotify or Watch the conversation on YouTube! 

What Is Emotional Safety?

For those unfamiliar with the term, Tarah described emotional safety as a sense of trust and security within a relationship. It means feeling safe to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs without fear of judgment, rejection, or manipulation. Emotional safety is the foundation of healthy, connected relationships.

A lack of emotional safety, on the other hand, often manifests as constant walking on eggshells, withholding feelings to avoid conflict, or feeling overly anxious about your partner’s reactions. These dynamics create distance and prevent genuine intimacy from flourishing.

Building Emotional Safety in Relationships

Tarah offered practical steps to create emotional safety, even if your partner isn’t fully on board. It starts with clear, respectful communication. This means expressing your feelings using “I” statements instead of blaming language. For example, saying “I feel hurt when…” rather than “You always…” fosters a more open dialogue.

She also encouraged listeners to practice active listening—truly hearing your partner’s perspective without immediately jumping in to defend or fix. This helps build trust and makes each person feel valued and understood. We spoke of actual ways that you can learn the active listening skill.

Narcissistic or Emotionally Immature Relationships

For those struggling with vulnerability or trust due to past trauma, Susie Pettit recommends professional one-on-one support versus trying to do this on your own after listening to this episode. She shares how, when we’re in narcissistic relationships or relationships with emotionally immature people, trying to do it on your own not only takes way longer, it often doesn’t work. We are in the pattern we’re in because of our past trauma and what we’ve categorized as normal and breaking those neural pathways is best done with a professional. (Plus, you’ll break out of the pattern sooner so you and everyone around you, will be able to step into that safety sooner ).

Moving Forward: Healing from Trauma

Our conversation wrapped up with Tarah describing a 5 step cognitive restructuring technique. Students of the Love Your Life School will be familiar with the steps as they’re things we work on in our live coaching and have trainings on in the class section. Listen in as I especially liked her action step number four and took time after our interview to write do it with a current trigger I’m having. Thank you Tarah!

Susie and Tarah discussed the importance of shifting our mindset from fear over triggers to recognizing them as opportunities for growth rather than setbacks. Developing healthy coping mechanisms, such as deep breathing, grounding exercises, or taking a short break before reacting, can help navigate challenging moments.

For women with attachment issues stemming from childhood, Tarah suggested seeking therapy or support groups that focus on healing inner child wounds. Establishing a routine of self-care and self-affirmation can also provide the stability needed to build healthier relationships.

Final Thoughts

This conversation with Tarah was packed with valuable insights and practical tools for anyone struggling with emotional safety. By understanding these patterns and taking intentional steps we spoke of, you will cultivate healthier relationships where you feel emotionally safe. If you found this helpful, you’ll love the full episode on the Love Your Life Show.  You may find yourself asking, wait a minute, how codependent am I? In which case, you’ll really like the quick “How Codependent Am I?” Quiz found here. 

Who is Tarah Kerwin

Tarah Kerwin is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and co-founder of Relationship Renovation. It is a thriving therapy practice in Tucson, AZ, dedicated to transforming couples’ lives through authentic connection and empowerment. With a Master’s in Clinical Psychology, she leads the innovative Relationship Renovation at Home Program. This program is designed to support couples on a national and global level with essential tools to strengthen their relationships from anywhere. As the co-host of the popular Relationship Renovation Podcast, Tarah delves into the complexities of love, helping listeners navigate real-life challenges with empathy and insight.

Connect with Tarah:

• Website
• Podcast

https://youtu.be/1oGVTAI4ji4