Holidays are better without the B.S.
Tis the season…to what? What does this season mean for you?
What do you think of when you think of this season? This past weekend my youngest son said he loves this season because everyone is so happy. This really astounded me because that is not what I see all around me. When I run into friends, they’re in a rush, stressed about writing holiday cards, buying gifts, running from one event that they don’t want to go to to another event they don’t want to go to, eating foods that don’t agree with their systems, and drinking more than they want to soothe them in social situations they don’t want to be in… If any of this rings true to you, let me help you get the happiness back.
How? By approaching our holidays with out the B or the S.
Blaming and Shoulding
Where are you blaming others for the actions you’re taking? Do you blame your mother-in-law because you are hosting the holiday dinner instead of her?
Where are you “shoulding” on yourself or others? Do you tell yourself you should send out holiday cards because that’s what everyone does? Or you should hand out holiday cookies because that’s what “good moms” do?
STOP.
How does this BS lifestyle make you feel?
When we blame, we put ourselves in the role of victim. YUCK! That’s not a place I like to be. When we should on ourselves we feel like we’re not good enough or we don’t do enough. Double YUCK!
The good news is, that as an adult, you don’t need to be a victim. You are in charge of your life and the more you see it this way, the calmer and more peaceful you’ll feel. Why? When you feel as if you are not in control of your life, you feel out of control emotionally. Instead, remind yourself that everything in your life is a choice and step back into your big girl panties. You choose if you go to the party or not. You choose whether you make cookies or not. You choose whether to send out holiday cards or not. Stop looking to blame others. Stop shoulding on yourself. Share on X
Once you see the options as choices, versus you being the victim of things happening in your life, you can look at the options more reasonably. Ask yourself: What do I want to do? What makes most sense for me and my family? Return to your core desired feelings, especially those of this season (LINK to a blog on this topic), and look at the different decisions you need to make. Personally, I want to feel calm and peaceful this holiday season. I know that I feel calm when I have time with just my partner and my family in my house. That time fills me up. Knowing that about myself, I look at the decisions I need to make. Will attending the neighbor’s holiday party create a feeling a peace and calm in my life? How about making cookies? Based on my answers, I schedule my month. I do not should on myself (“I should go to her party” ) because that doesn’t serve me or my friend. If I am acting out of alignment with my inner warrior, I will not feel calm or peaceful.
The great news is that it’s early in the season so there is plenty of time to step back and look at your next month. What do you like to do? Do you like hosting the dinner? Do you like going to your neighbor’s holiday party? Sending out cards? The point is to recognize that all of these are choices. There’s no one thing you “should” do. Nor is there one thing any one else in your circle “should” do. You are in charge. Allow the other adults around you to also be in charge. If your mother chooses to not host the holiday dinner, don’t make her decision about you. It’s not. Choose to look at her decision as an opportunity. What do you like about the holiday dinner? Do you want to continue gathering with everyone there? Does it bring you joy? Does it bring your kids joy? If yes, how can you continue with the tradition that is in line with your values and priorities? Meet at a restaurant? Have it at your house as a potluck? Catered? Get out of the habit of viewing decisions as right or wrong.
If you are reading this and wondering how much Blaming & Shoulding is involved in your holiday season, here are some warning signs that you’re deep in the BS:
-RSVP’ing yes to an annual holiday party that you never enjoy,
-Hosting a holiday dinner because “it’s what your mother-in-law wants”,
-Spending above your budget for a gift because it’s what s/he wanted or because it’s
what’s expected of you,
-Putting up the Christmas Tree in a certain way at a certain time because that’s what
you’ve always done (versus what you want to do or what makes sense),
-Sending out holiday cards because everyone else does or because you always have,
-Blaming others or making excuses when you don’t exercise,
-Making excuses or blaming others when you over-eat or over-drink. (did they hold you
down?!?)
Please get my free holiday journal questions and begin to examine the way you’ve spent past holidays and the way you’d like to spend this holiday. For me, it’s all about aligning my actions with my desired feelings. When I do that, I feel peace and in control no matter what is going on externally. If I choose to send out holiday cards it’s because it’s something I want to do and not because of what others may think or say if I don’t. If I choose to host a holiday dinner, I know it’s because I want to and not because of what others may expect of me or what I think I “should” do. Download the free journal questions today and take a step towards a holiday season more in line with what my 13-year old envisions: happiness and joy. Tis NOT the season to BS yourself or your family. Examine your past decisions with the freedom of knowing you can choose differently today.
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