It’s time.
Time to stop playing small.
Time to be more you.
Time to speak up.
I’ve met with several groups of females of various ages in the past two months. One message is clear: we are selling ourselves short. As pre-teen girls, as teenagers, as young women, as moms: we are playing too small.
We are putting others needs before ours in all relationships in our lives: our coworkers, our bosses, our parents, our spouses, our kids, our friends….even people we don’t like or know.
Why?
This is what we’re taught growing up by our parents and the media.
We were taught that to ask for what we needed was selfish.
We were taught to shut our mouths and to take care of ourselves.
We are taught to play small, to be small, to have small opinions and small emotions.
We are told that we are responsible for other people’s feelings and we “better not upset him/her”.
We are told that we are too emotional, too loud, too opinionated.
We are taught that if we follow these rules, we will be loved and life will be “good”.
We become afraid of speaking up for fear of that love being taken away.
We act based on what we think others will think rather than what’s best for us.
We hide our opinions because we’re afraid of pissing people off, of disappointing people, of being rejected. We ignore our own feelings, beliefs and truths just to make someone else feel good.
It’s time to stop.
Even though it’s scary.
Even though it takes effort.
Trust me, I understand. I stopped playing small and all of my worst fears came true. My parents, my spouse, even my siblings turned away; rejected me. I was very scared. I was very sad. I was disappointed. So why would I encourage others to speak up? Because I’ve never been happier, healthier, or more alive in my life.
There was a time I thought they did this because of me or to hurt me. This is not true. Their rejection of me is not because of me or the type of person I am. It was my actions (my choice to speak up, to not play small, to ask for what I needed) that was scary for them and their way of life. In rejecting me, they gave themselves the freedom to continue living their lives.
If you feel called to do more in this world, you will disappoint people. People will criticize you. People will leave your life. That has nothing to do with you. You’ve triggered something within that individual they’re not ready to face. That’s okay. We are all on our own journeys.
You are reading this blog for a reason. You know what needs to happen. Your inner warrior is calling and your journey has started. As humans, we are programmed to grow, to evolve into that next best version of ourselves. To reach a bit higher today that we did yesterday. Yet change is not easy. Even when we are aware that our current situation is making us miserable, we will return to that situation so as to avoid the discomfort of change.
I am in this profession because when my inner warrior woke up, those closest to me left. Change is hard with support and almost impossible without it. It took my body almost breaking for me to stop playing small and to listen to my inner warrior. This doesn’t have to happen to you. I am here to support you, to cut the time needed for a change. I am here to show you of the benefits of showing up, to help you surround yourself with other like-minded warriors. I am here to assure you that the people who judge you, who talk about you, who criticize you are doing so because of their own issues and their own life experiences. Their reaction isn’t a reason for you to stop your path forward. Their reaction is about them, their life, and is their business.
When we are doing what others want us to do or what others think is right for us, we are not happy.
What do you value? How are you showing up for yourself in your life?
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