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RADICAL SELF LOVE
Why do so many of us coaches and light spreaders speak of the importance of self compassion, self acceptance, or self love?
Why aren’t we more focused on the veggies you eat or the hours you sleep?
It’s because how we think about ourselves impacts all areas of our mental, physical, emotional, financial, and spiritual health. When we believe in ourselves and our worth we believe we are capable of doing the big things we are here to do. What we think about ourselves creates our reality.
If we think we can’t do something, we don’t even try to do it.
If we think we don’t deserve something, we don’t ever ask for what we deserve.
If we think where we are is “good enough”, we accept mediocrity, and living a “good enough” life.
So many of us are so afraid of slowing down and figuring out what we want that we live “okay” lives, trying to drown out the whisper of “there’s more to life than this”. We put ourselves in our own cages of self doubt and mediocry and then wonder why we feel half alive. We get to the end of our lives full of regrets of what could have been, what should have been; what we wish had been.
Not On My Watch.
Earlier this month, I gave you the crucial tools to start to let go of what others think of you, to start to move away from pleasing others to move to the the deeper and important work of pleasing yourself.
It is our job here, in the education of life, to stop looking externally for approval and praise and to start generating it from within. Dr. Amen speaks of the 20/40/60 principal. Namely that, in our 20s, we think everyone is looking at us and thinking about us. In our 40s, we start to question whether anyone is looking at us or thinking about us and, in our 60s, we realize no one was ever looking or thinking about us. We live in our own bubbles and people may have a fleeting thought or comment about us but it’s short lived.
Your Opinion of You is What Matters
What’s your opinion of you? What do you think about how you’re showing up? What do you think about the life you’re living?
Our journey is to learn how to like, love, and support ourselves. To practice what I call radical self acceptance and love of ourselves. Radical self acceptance requires you to think better than you ever have of yourself on purpose. You are not going to love yourself without actively doing the work to love yourself. You are not going to value yourself without doing the work to value yourself. There is no magic wand. You get to do the deliberate thinking. You get to do the work.
So often we might look at a confident woman and think she was born that way. Or think, “It must be nice to have that confidence and think so highly of yourself”. Or, “It must be nice to like yourself and not think negatively of yourself.” We equate the woman’s confidence to some external circumstance. We make conclusions like “well she must not have the mother I have” or “she must have a better marriage than me” or “she must have been born that way”.
No,
No,
And no.
I had that mother.
I had that marriage.
And today, I love and honor myself.
Daily Intention and Practice
Does that mean that I feel love and admiration for myself each and every moment of each and every day?
No way.
Rather, it means that I have established daily intentional practices in my day to insure that radical self acceptance is a continual practice. Why? Because, if you had that mom or that marriage or any other negative influences in your lives (eg you’re human!), your brain remembers their voices and they starting showing up in our heads and in our thoughts.
My practice is two-fold. First, I gave up people pleasing and paying attention to what others thought of me so I could pay more attention to what I thought of me. Second, I did just that; it’s like I turned a spotlight on my brain to see what it was that I was thinking about myself. I got super intentional when thinking of myself. I consciously choose thoughts on purpose that support my relationship with myself.
Here’s the thing: it is not our job to believe everything our brain says. Our job is to hear everything our brain says and then decide what we’re going to think on purpose.
Radical Acceptance Takes Intention
Radical acceptance of ourself and confidence in ourself is not a character trait we are born with. Acceptance and self approval comes from the thoughts we are thinking. When we think uplifting and supportive thoughts about ourselves, we are going to feel uplifted and supported. When we don’t, we won’t.
Radical self acceptance and love of ourselves comes from taking consistent daily action. It does not come from something external like a new house, puppy, or number on the scale.
But boy are we taught this, aren’t we warriors?
We are taught to believe what I call the “When this, then that” lie. As in, when I lose 20 pounds then I’ll love my body; or when we redo the kitchen, then I’ll be happier. When he gets the raise, then he’ll be less crabby and we’ll be happier in our marriage. When we lose weight then we’ll love our body. Nope. We get to decide we are worth it right now. Look at this body this self this you that you have right here right now, decide. I choose to love this body. Right here right now. I choose to love and accept me. Every damn day.
Talk Back To Your Brain
I deliberately direct my brain to focus on what is good about me and what I do well. When my brain goes to create drama and look for negativity, I love myself enough to talk back to my brain. This is not always easy which is why I call it radical. You must step up and show up for yourself. You must take deliberate, intentional, and radical action to think thoughts that lift you up and empower you.
In the next weeks of this series I will reveal specific steps you can take to build confidence and your thought muscle. Make sure you’ve subscribed to the newsletter so you don’t miss an episode. For today, can you commit to yourself? Can you choose to become a better friend to yourself? To talk back to yourself about yourself? Choose to love yourself like a dear friend?
Choose Radical Self Acceptance
Your exact self is here on earth for a reason. Your exact self, all of you, is exactly as it’s supposed to be.
Practice loving yourself unconditionally.
I love you.
Can you love you?
Radical self acceptance and love starts today.
Let’s go
I coach women to be courageous in their lives. These are not always big shifts but the shifts make a big difference. Today is a great day to get started as my popular program is open for enrollment. It’s only open twice a year. Don’t miss out.
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