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Productive Discomfort + Goals
This week on the show we are going to learn about productive discomfort and our goals.
Learning about this is a game changer in our midlife and makes meeting and achieving our goals much simpler.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that it feels easy. Living a life we love will at times feel hard. Yet, it’s about recognizing that meeting our goals and not meeting our goals both feel hard.
Today’s episode is all about looking at it from an elevated way so we empower ourselves to meet our goals. New years is a time when most of us set goals and then January 17th is the day most of us give up on our goals. Not on this show.
Listen in as I explain the difference between productive discomfort and unproductive discomfort.
Learn about the brain’s motivational triad and its tendency to be lazy.
Listen and learn how you can use that knowledge to work for you, not against you.
Additionally, listen in to understand that the discomfort you’re feeling isn’t necessarily a sign you’re doing something wrong or need to stop. Nor, is the fact that you aren’t feeling present moment discomfort a sign that you’re living your best life.
Reflection Questions:
- How do you avoid productive discomfort?
- What are some areas of your life where you could use productive discomfort?
- Can you think of a recent time when your bully brain won? What would you do differently?
Listen in to the show to hear specific examples of how this shows up in romantic relationships, at work, in parenting, in weight loss, in goal setting, and more.
Embracing Productive Discomfort for Growth
One of the major topic we explored is the idea of productive discomfort, which involves recognizing and navigating the discomfort that arises when we push ourselves beyond our usual limits.
This concept is all about understanding how our brains resist change, and how we can actively work through the discomfort to achieve personal growth.
Curious how productive discomfort can lead to positive change in your life?
As we spoke of with drift, when we don’t stop to reflect on whether what we’re doing is getting us where we want to be going, we can get outrageously off course.
We can go along, do what others around us are doing, do what others think we should be doing, say yes without reflecting on whether it’s getting us where we want to be going, but we say yes because it feels easier in the moment than saying “Let me think about it.” or “I’ll get back to you.”
No shame.
We’ve all chosen the unproductive discomfort.
What’s your favorite flavor of this?
Do you go to your phone? Scroll on social media?
Eat?
Drink?
Exercise?
Work?
Shop?
clean?
Nap?
All of the above?
Self-Awareness and Productive Discomfort
It’s essential to differentiate between productive and unproductive discomfort.
Learn about the difference between the discomforts.
- Productive Discomfort: the discomfort we feel when we’re trying something new, when we’re pushing ourselves into a growth place.
- Unproductive Discomfort: the discomfort we feel when we’re not being intentional or an active decision maker in our life.
Light bulb moment – do you see? It’s productive discomfort or unproductive discomfort, your choice.
Overcoming Discomfort to Achieve Goals
We delved into the importance of setting intentional goals as a vehicle for personal evolution.
By establishing clear objectives that align with our values, we create a roadmap towards a more fulfilling and purpose-driven life.
I’m excited to share practical strategies for setting intentional goals and embracing the journey of self-discovery.
Navigating Relationship Dynamics
Relationship dynamics play a significant role in our pursuit of personal and emotional growth.
From romantic relationships to friendships and family connections, the way we navigate discomfort and communicate our needs can shape the trajectory of these interactions.
With practical examples and actionable insights, we explored how productive discomfort can transform and elevate our relationships.
Curious to discover how embracing discomfort can lead to more meaningful and authentic connections? Let’s explore this together.
Let’s look for it in our relationships.
Say you and your husband have gotten in the habit of watching tv at night instead of talking or both of you get on your separate devices instead of watching something together.
And one day you realize you miss it. Fork in the road.
Productive discomfort looks like you saying “Hey hon, I’ve noticed we have a different pattern these days. Could we get back to watching tv together or could we get back to talking about our days for a bit before going to our devices?”
Gulp. a bit vulnerable ey?
This feels uncomfortable. And yet, it’s productive discomfort. No matter what his response is, I want you to see that it’s a step forward.
Unproductive discomfort could look like many different things here:
- Maybe you choose not to say anything to him and instead complain with one of your friends about it.
- Or maybe you choose not to say anything but huff and sigh and get all teenager-y and non verbal around him hoping he’ll be the adult and notice.
- And maybe later you get snippy in bed. It’s unproductive because it moves you away from what you want – a more connected relationship and yet you don’t speak up and ask for what you want when you’re feeling disconnected.
Leading to long term disconnection in your own head. That’s breeding ground for resentment warrior. Open your mouth. It’s always better.
Empowering Personal Growth in Parenting
As parents, embracing discomfort and modeling proactive growth behaviors can significantly influence our children’s development.
We explored how productive discomfort shapes the dynamics of parenting, offering insights into handling challenges, fostering resilience, and nurturing a growth-oriented environment for our children.
How about with parenting, either our kids or our parents?
Say your mom is lonely. She often calls to complain. Maybe she even asks for advice. Yet she doesn’t do anything with the advice you give her except continue to call you to get more of the same advice. Your phone rings while you’re playing a game with your husband or son…
Productive discomfort can look like you are not answering. Turning your phone on silent.
Being where your feet are. Then later, when you listen to her voicemail and see her 4 texts saying how lonely she is, you send your own message like “I’m sorry mom. Feeling lonely is hard for me too. I love you and hate seeing you lonely. I hope you do something about it.”
Boy does that feel uncomfortable. Yet, how has the other way been working? You listen to her complain, you give advice, you fill her lonely moments with connection – you.
That doesn’t move either of you forward. It doesn’t solve her problem of loneliness. It keeps this underfunctioning, over functioning learned helplessness role.
Permission to step out
Oh my I could go on and on.
I had another example here of how this shows up if your kid is stressed at school. They shared they were nervous about an upcoming test. You have the urge to send a text during the day to see if they’re okay.
Resist the urge warrior! I’m not going to go deeper because I see the recording time though bring your questions and situations to a live coaching with your examples and we can strategize.
Put on your discomfort glasses and be on the lookout this week and this year for where you are at that fork in the road.
Moving Forward with Purpose
As we wrap up, I encourage you to embrace the concept of productive discomfort as a catalyst for positive change in your life.
By recognizing, acknowledging, and navigating discomfort with intentionality, we can unlock new levels of personal and professional growth.
I am thrilled to continue this journey alongside you, empowering each other as we strive towards our goals.
Remember, warriors, the most significant growth often emerges from the discomfort that propels us forward. Let’s embrace it and thrive together!
Resources Mentioned:
⭐️Be The Buffalo Apple Podcast
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⭐️Here is a link to choose your Word of the Year
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