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What will you think if I don’t go?
Will she be mad if I say no?
What did they think when I said that?
He’ll be upset if I tell him what I think.
How often do thoughts like this go through your head?
Guess what? You’re human. Part of our DNA wires us to want to belong to a group; to fit in.
That said, too much thinking about what other people think or about other people’s reactions is unhealthy. It keeps you stuck in people pleasing mode. Not only is that not good for your confidence, it holds you back from what you’re here on earth to do.
We make ourselves CRAZY trying to control what people think.Β Stop holding your thoughts (+life) hostage by making decisions based on what others might or might not think. I spent waaay too much of my life trying to control what others thought of me (usually these were people I didn’t even like). How NUTS is that? I’d do something I didn’t want to do so someone I didn’t like might think something about me that wasn’t representative of my true self. #crazymakingΒ
One great way to start moving away from caring so much about what others think is to remind yourself of these Four Empowering Truths:
1) You canβt control other peopleβs opinions of you.
Seriously, stop and think about it for a second: We actually can not control what others think of you. Humans do not have the ability to manipulate othersβ brains. Β Want proof of that? Have you ever picked out an outfit with the the thought: βTheyβll think I look so professional or hip if I wear this?β. Sorry but it doesnβt work.Β If it did, then when we walked into a room with 10 people, they’d all be thinking the same thought about us (βLook How Hip Susie Looksβ). Does that happen? Uh, No! First of all, of the 10 people, only 3-5 might even notice I walked in the room. Of those that do, one might like me because of the earrings I’m wearing, one might dislike me because Iβm wearing earrings. One might think I look nice because I remind her of her friend from high school while another might instantly dislike me because I remind her of her mother-in-law. Maaaaybe one person has the thought “Susie looks hip” but even that is doubtful. We have no control over otherβs opinions of us, warriors. Letβs let it go.
2) Other Peopleβs Opinions Are Not More Important Than Yours:
Itβs not your job to make sure other peopleβs needs and wants are met. Period end of story. That’s part of their job in adulthood.
When we think another personβs thoughts and beliefs are more important than ours we put our thoughts and beliefs on the back shelf. We tend to tell ourselves that itβs our job to make sure other peopleβs needs and wants are met. It is not.
Itβs up to us to take care of us and them to take care of them. This is a big truth bomb as our society teaches us differently. We are consistently taught and told that we are responsible for others and their feelings. We are not.Β
Why do we do this? Again, human nature. We want to avoid the pain of someone having an unfavorable opinion of us but the subconscious message we are sending to ourselves is that our thoughts and beliefs donβt matter. Weβre essentially telling ourselves that what someone else wants, feels or needs is more important than what we want, feel or need.
The sooner you can shift to take care of yourself and your needs and let others do the same, the deeper and more peaceful all of your relationships will actually be.Β
3) Itβs Okay for Someone To Think Negatively of us
Oooh yes, this is a tough truth but a true one. Not everyone is going to like you. Yes, even sunshine-y, wonderful you. But, wait a sec, letβs be honest: Do you like everyone? I mean come on; we are all so different. We’re not all meant to like everyone. That doesnβt mean thereβs something wrong with them or that we have to spend time actively unliking them: it merely means theyβre not for you.Β
Same goes for you. Not everyone is going to like you and thatβs okay. Not everyone is going to agree with the decisions you make. Not everyone is going to agree with your point of view.Β
How often do you stop yourself from doing something because you think: βWhat if heβll be mad?β Or βWhat if she thinks thatβs rude?β Consider this permission to stop that. If someone else is mad, thatβs on them. Did you intentionally do something to piss someone off? Were you rude? If the answer is no, then let them have their own opinion about you. You are responsible for the intention in which you deliver your message, not how they receive it.
We are so uncomfortable with someone else not being happy with us that we do most anything to make them happy instead of sticking up for ourselves.Β
Instead of asking yourself βWill she be mad?β Or βDid he think that was rudeβ, the question to ask yourself is βAm I proud of how I showed up?β. If you acted in a way that was in alignment with how you wanted to act, you can let them have their reaction and their opinion of you.Β
You gain confidence and power when you stop believing the thought that βIf someone is unhappy with me, that means I did something wrong.β Nope. You be the barometer of you. Did you act in a way youβre proud of? Then move on.Β
4) Final Awesome Truth: Other people Arenβt Thinking About You
Sorry to break it to you but other people arenβt spending nearly the time thinking about you as you think they are. That makes this probably the best truth of all The fact that people donβt think of us as often as we think is freeing! It liberates us to BE US!
I heard a great rule called the 20-40-60 rule. At age 20, we think everyone is watching us, thinking about us, and caring a bout what we do. At age 40, we start to wonder if anyone is watching us, thinking about us, or if anyone cares what we do. At age 60, we donβt care if anyone is watching or thinking about us! Letβs live like 60-years olds!
The next time you find yourself wondering what someone is thinking about something you said or did, please remind yourself of this rule.Β
What do YOU Think About what You Did or Said?
Do you know how freeing it feels to stop thinking about what others are thinking or doing? Whether they’re thinking about me or not? Liberating with a capital L!
When I allow others to think what they want about me, two beautiful things happen First, I spend a lot less time and mental energy trying to read other peopleβs minds. Second, I spend a lot more energy digging into my desires and my passions which are the reason why Iβm here on this planet. I feel better about myself and show up truthfully. If others want to think something of me, they can. If youβre ready to start the journey, take one small step this week.Β
Wear what you want to wear, write what you want to write, say what you want to say, do what you want to do. If you attune yourself to your core values, not only will you feel better, you’ll also attract people who are your kind of people.Β
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Thank you so much for this! I really needed it this week. I have always been a people pleaser and am in over my head with helping and worrying about what people think of me. You are right, I am not going to please everyone no matter how hard I try (and I try hard!). “You’re responsible for your intention, not their reception” is my new mantra.
Thank you so much for the feedback! I also love keeping in the front of my mind that I’m responsible for me, how I handle myself and how I deliver messages. I get to let go of what others do. I also love the idea that boundaries are all about “Letting others know how you expect to be treated”. Again, thanks for letting me know what resonated. You’re never alone!