If I could give you a magic wand to change one area of your life, what would you change?
Great news warrior! I am giving you that magic wand at the end of this post. I kid you not. Change in any area of your life is possible. Even better news? It’s simple. Two steps:
Get Out Of Your Way
The first step is to get out of your own way. The reason why many of us are living the lives we’re living is because we don’t believe a better life is possible. Let that sink in. The reason we’re not living lives we love is because we don’t believe it’s possible for our lives to be that good. Our lives are 100% influenced by the thoughts we think and thus, 100 % limited by the thoughts we have about what is possible. We have made ourselves our very own glass ceiling and it’s not serving us.
How Do We Change Our Limiting Beliefs?
In order to bust the glass ceiling we’ve made for ourselves and live that full, expansive life, we have to learn which thoughts and beliefs are holding us back. We have to know what we’re operating with in order to change it. Start listening in to what you’re telling yourselves. The “truths” you think about yourself. Those truths were not in your head when you were 6 years old. They likely got there from some adult, sibling, or influential person in your life who poked a hole in your hope by saying “that’s not possible for you” or “that will never work for you” or any other variation of that.
As impressionable, innocent children, we take that message and run with it, thinking it over and over and hardwiring it into our brain. As an adult, it is now time to notice that limiting belief and ask you to start to think differently. As Einstein says, the thinking you used to get where you are won’t get you where you need to go. The first step to changing any area of your life is to notice the thoughts you’re telling yourself about why that piece of your life is as it is.
When I offered you a magic wand, what area of your life did you want to change? Did you think of something to do with a relationship you’re in? Did you think of some aspect of your health? Did you think of something to do with your finances? Your daily life? The first step in changing that area where you want a magic wand to change is to be aware of your thoughts about what is possible for you in that area. What do you think is your best possible situation in that area? Remove your glass ceiling and dream bigger.
The reason we’re not living an epic life is because we don’t think an epic life is possible for us.
From the very beginning of the coronavirus I have encouraged us to choose thoughts that serve us. To go high, as Michelle Obama says. To address reality while not allowing our fear-seeking brain to go too far into the future to fearcast. I have and continue to encourage us to see this for what it is: a pause in our life. A forced stop from the hypnotic nature that our busy life has set up for us. The layers of distraction of our life have been peeled back to leave us with…our life. We’ve essentially been kicked off the hamster wheel of life and are left to see the life we’ve been tolerating; The life we’ve created for ourselves; The life we’ve been living.
We’re not in Kansas anymore
This can be very scary. Trust me, I get it and that’s why I do what I do. I flew off the hamster wheel about 10 years ago. If this quarantine had happened then, my sons and I would’ve been in an incredibly scary and stressful place. I know many of you are in similar situations. This pause has forced you to see more clearly the relationships you’re in. Romantic relationships, familial relationships, your relationship to your finances, your relationship to your health, your relationship to your things, your house, etc. Without the daily busy-ness of life, you may find yourself looking around and thinking “huh?” Is this it? Is this the life I’m meant to be living?
My message today is heed the call. Listen to the lessons that this situation is here to teach. Use this pause to examine the life you’re living. Where do you need that magic wand? Which area of your life is not as you’d like it? This is the time to heed that call. To listen to what your uncomfortable emotions are telling you. Please do not jump back on the hamster wheel when this is all over. You are not here to live a mediocre, “good enough” life. Please do not jump back on the hamlease do not automatically jump back on the hamster wheel so even more years can pass living a mediocre, good enough life. ich area of your life is not as you’d like it? This is the time to heed the call. To listen to what your uncomfortable emotions are telling you. What are you feeling most days? I like to think of our emotions as the little warning lights on the dashboard of our cars. Signs that some shifts are needed.
Now is the time.
How do we begin to believe?
1. Uncover Your Limiting Beliefs
Step one: discover your limiting beliefs. What do you tell yourself is possible in regards to your marriage, finances, relationships, life? Question it all. All of your thoughts. All of those stories you’ve told yourselves.
2. Bridge Thoughts
Step two involves something I call Bridge Thoughts. After you’ve discovered your limiting beliefs, the current thoughts driving your daily actions and giving you the results you have, it’s time to choose one thought better. Everything I’ve ever accomplished has been with the use of this tool and the link to get my free handout, aka the magic wand, is at the end of this post.
Once we do step one, and are aware of the thoughts we’re thinking , especially the ones limiting us, we often want to change them immediately. Yet, warriors, we can’t go from “marriage is supposed to be dull” to “my marriage is amazingly vibrant and fulfilling” overnight. Our brains are super powerful and they will go to work to fight that new thought. I don’t have to get into the neuroscience behind it but cognitive dissonance is real. I’m not saying abandon the new thought but I am saying a smaller step is needed on your way to believe your future thought. This is where a bridge thought comes in. It serves as a bridge to get you from your current limiting belief to the thought your future self will think. Take the example I just used: “marriage is dull” or “this is what marriage in midlife is like” and you want to think “Marriage in midlife is deeply satisfying and passionate.”
You need a bridge thought to get there. You can’t suddenly start saying that other thought in your head as you won’t believe it and your brain will actually work to find evidence as to why it couldn’t be the case for you. It would point out the stale marriage of your great aunt and uncle or the vacant marriage of your parents or the argumentative marriage of your neighbors. You need to move slowly and deliberately towards your new thought. I have a whole list of bridge thoughts because some will resonate for you, others will not. An example of a bridge thought in this situation would be thinking “I notice I’m thinking the thought this is what marriage in midlife is like”. Just by adding that joiner on your thought so you bring attention that your thought is a thought, not a truth, can make all the difference.
Bridge thoughts give us the ability to begin to dream of that epic life, to lead our brain to think of different possibilities for us. To get one step closer to living a life we want to be living.
Don’t Die With Your Dreams Inside
In wrapping up, I ask you: What kind of life do you want to be living? And then invite you to get out of your own way. Bronnie Ware is a hospice nurse who wrote the famous book titled the 5 top regrets of the dying. What was #1? Not living a life we wanted to live. Why do so many of us get to the end of our lives with regret and despair?
Did you ever hear that “don’t get your hopes up?” F that. honestly. That’s the opposite of what we need to do. Get your hopes up. Dream big. Blast through your own ceilings. We have this one little life. There are no rules.
How good are you willing to let life get?
I will go out with my ass on fire. Empty. Knowing I have lived a full life. A life that is true to me.I’m not saving my joy or desires or goals for “some day”. I’m diving in now and I am here to help I am here to help you do the same. Sign up for my popular cleanse for intentional living. It will help you see where you are holding yourself back. Plus, it’s half off. Schedule an online session with a coach. I know many who are accepting new clients. Reach out to me and I can help you find one.
This is your one precious life. There is no do over. I believe in you. It’s time for you to blast the lid off of what you believe in yourself. Choose the bigger life. Choose you.