Anxiety and Parenting
When I meet with parents, I hear two reasons as to why they can’t parent as effectively as they want. First, how stressed and busy they are. How they have no time for meal planning, dates with their mate, or cleaning let alone time to reflect on their parenting. Ironically, this hasn’t changed much with Covid and quarantine. We still found ways to spend our days when we’d get to the end of them feeling exhausted, without a plan, and pissed at everyone around us.
I hear you and I’ve been there. I will not be addressing this concern in this blog as I have in many past posts. If you’re feeling out of control with your everyday life, please please please know there is another way. Sign up for my 10 Day Conscious Living Cleanse. It costs less than a coffee a day, can be done from your car while waiting for a carpool pickup (or closet when hiding from your family), and once purchased, you can access it to re-do or re-watch pieces anytime. What will you gain? Awareness of how to bring more calm to your life, tools to de-stress, motivation, and inspiration.
Anxiety and Fear
Today’s post focuses on the second issue facing parents, and the main roadblock to effective parenting: FEAR. How afraid we are that our kids may suffer, that our kids may fail, that our kids may experience difficulties with friends, with school, with sports, or with activities. Of course, we don’t come right out and say: “I’m so afraid of you suffering! Or” I’m so afraid of you coming home upset!” but the truth speaks. We are more medicated on anti-anxiety and depression meds than any other generation. We have normalized the use of alcohol as a tool to help us parent more than any other generation. These signs are pointing to our inability to regulate on our own.
Please be comforted, I’m right here with you. I’m not sitting in some high and lofty place, looking at you and chuckling. I’m in it too. When I reflect on my less-fine parenting moments, I can see how I was driven by fear. I can see how I was an anxious parent.
I love how Marianne Williamson says behind all of our actions there is either love or fear. When I reflect on my more controlling, less-fine parenting moments, I can see it’s driven by fear, not love. The more aware of it I am, the better I can control it so as to parent my child instead of drip my issues onto him. So what if my friend thinks my son is rude. Is he? No. So what if he doesn’t write on a mom-approved topic or if he doesn’t finish his outline tonight? Do I want to be the reason he does his work? Fear of what I will say or do? Or do I want him to be driven by his own interests and desires?
Remember the thought model? Think feel act. Our thoughts create our feelings which drive our actions. We are the adults. I coach people and myself every day to slow down so that we are aware and mindful of the thoughts and feelings behind our actions. Are they fear-based? We are the adults. We get to act consciously.
There’s No Such Thing as a Perfect Parent
Hard truth: there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. You can’t be one and your parents weren’t one. There are a thousand ways to be a great parent though and that’s where I come in. Let me help.
As busy parents, we often lose sight of the big picture when signing our kids up for teams or activities or looking at their grades. We lose sight of what we really want for our child. Can we agree to push pause for a second on our crazy running thoughts, take a deep breath in and out and reflect on some of these questions:
- What do I want for my child?
- What do I want their life to be like in five years?
- What do I want their mental state to be like in ten years?
- How about when they’re my age?
- How do my answers to those above questions show up in my day-to-day life of parenting today, right here and now?
Two Tools to combat Anxious Parenting
Listen in to this week’s podcast episode on the Love Your Life Show as I discuss two of my favorite cognitive-behavioral coaching tools.
As a coach, it is my belief that the more parents dig into their self-care, which includes getting to know themselves and managing their anxiety, the better our world will be. Why? The more conscious I am of why I’m doing what I’m doing, the calmer and more mindful of others I can be. The more people who are consciously choosing what they say and what they do instead of reacting, the kinder our world will be.
So let’s do it. Listen in and leave a comment on your top takeaway, what you struggle with, or what you’re going to try. I want to hear from you.
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And, if you haven’t taken a program or experienced a one-on-one SMB coaching session yet, why not? Coaching is all about evolving and getting yourself to that next best version of you, whether that’s as a wife, a mom, or a human on this earth. I am here and I love love love the work I do because of the results I see in my clients’ lives.
Great news is: If you’re ready to get started with Susie and parenting, she’s offering her sought after parenting consults right now. Limited number and limited time