What is your best life? How can you live your best life? Something we are aware of as a concept is that how we spend our days is how we spend our lives. Yet do we practice it? The small things we do each day add up to the way we spend our weeks, months and years. Our brain is wired this way and so, when left to its’ own devices, it runs automatic, unintentional programs all day. If we had to make a decision before every action we’d be exhausted before 9 AM. Taking action and habitualizing that action into repeated behavior is part of our brain’s motivational triad. It saves us a lot of energy so that we can focus on the circumstances that come up in our life.
Problems arise when we the things we have habitualized are unintentional. When we have habitualized unintentional behavior, we often get results that we don’t want: weight gain, disconnected relationships, a misuse of our cell phones, alcohol, work, or tv, to name a few.
If this sounds familiar to you, please don’t jump to thinking you’re weak. You’re not. Our brain is a super computer that is wired to habitualize actions. Unless you were taught to be very deliberate and mindful in creating your routines and patterns, you are living the exact life you have been trained to live.
The Socialization of Women
Furthermore, women were raised to look externally when deciding what to do. At a very young age, most of us warriors were taught that our way wasn’t the right way, that there was something wrong with us and we needed to look to others who know better than us. In other words, we were programmed to disconnect from self and our inner knowing. We have been programmed to look to others when determining what is the right thing or the good thing to do.
In this week’s show, I give action steps to take back our control. Listen in to learn how Glennon Doyle‘s real life story impacted me to make this post and to change how I’m showing up for my sons, the middle school girls I work with, and my clients.
People Pleasing Leads to Disconnection
When we live our life based on someone else view of how we should be living, we get to midlife full of regrets and resentments. We feel empty and disconnected. We feel as if no one understands us and truthfully, they don’t. Others don’t understand the real us because we don’t understand the real us. In other words, we’ve put so many barriers around our true selves and our true desires that we are strangers to ourselves.
It is time. Time to stop this trend of disconnection, of unknowing. In other words, we get to learn about us. We get to reconnect with ourselves. How? By starting where we are. Dropping the judgment and leaning into kindness. Here are the questions I referred to in this week’s episode. Grab your pen and paper and let’s get to know your awesome self:
- How do you feel most days? Write down 2-3 words describing how you feel in your days.
- What are some of your first thoughts when you wake up?
- What are your top 1-2 feelings when you think of your upcoming day?
- When do you wake up on weekdays? When do you get up on weekends? Do you use an alarm?
- How much does your phone influence your day? When do you first look at your phone? How much time do you spend on it? How you do feel about your phone use or its’ influence?
- How do you usually feel at the end of your day? What are some common thoughts that go through your head when you are going to bed?
- Do you have a schedule for your day? How do you move through your day? Do you let others set your schedule? How do you feel about this?
- What are some common thoughts you have about your body and your health?
- What are some common thoughts you have about yourself and your being?
- What are some common thought you have about your marriage or any significant relationships that you’re in?
- If you received some really good news, what would you do?
- If you received some really bad news, what would you do?
- What do you do for fun?
- What do you do for fulfillment?
- How do you care for your mental health?
- How do you care for your physical health?
- When is the last time you laughed?
- If you were really happy, who would you tell?
- If you were really upset, who would lean on?
Start Where You Are
Okay warriors, that’s a great starting point. Answer those questions with a pen and paper and we will have a clear idea of where you’re starting. No judgment no drama needed.
Furthermore, if you’re not currently a client or in one of my groups, why not? I’d be so honored to be your life coach. First check to see if my foundational program is open. It’s open 3 times a year and it is the best place to start. Run over to www.smbwell.com/bestself to see if enrollment is still open.
If not, get started with a one-on-one today. The number one regret of women ages 35 and over? That they didn’t start working with me sooner. Why? Because I help them take simple steps to feel better in their days. There’s no reason to go through life like it’s a sludge fest. Please don’t put off investing in your happiness. No car, no lottery ticket, no new house, no new article of clothing will greater affect your life satisfaction than this. I’ve studied it and am trained to lead you through. I’d be honored if you let me