Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | RSS | More
Conscious Parenting and Compassionate Living
What is conscious parenting?
Compassionate living?
It’s all about the thought model and living with intention. Being mindful.
Yes, that’s thrown around a lot and… there’s a reason for that. It feels better to those around us and it feels better to us. When we utilize the tools of conscious parenting and compassionate living, we have less drama in our lives and feel more connected to ourselves and our purpose.
How often do you think of what others might think before making a decision? How often do you choose to do something because of how it will make you appear or what others will think if you do it? Today let’s drop our defenses so that we can participate in what I call conscious parenting. Further, so that we can be more compassionate and mindful in our parenting and in our friendships (with others and ourselves).
For the majority of my life, I made decisions based on what I thought other people wanted or what others said I ‘should’ do. In school, I took the classes and participated in the clubs that I was told I “should” to get into a good university. When I got into that good school, I continued to look externally for what to do. My thought was that I would go to a good college, get a good job, get married, have kids then BOOM – happy me!
That might’ve worked if I was making those choices based on my inner desires and strengths versus looking to others for approval. I was not. I grew up with the message that Susie was not enough. I was taught that paying attention to my inner voice, paying attention to my wants and desires would lead me to do things the “wrong way”. I learned to believe that my internal guidance system was broken and I needed to listen to the adults, in my case, the male adults, and learn what was right and wrong. I also learned that if I did that, I’d receive love. If I didn’t, I would be punished. Either physically or emotionally by withholding love and attention.
Parenting: Our past and our future
In previous posts I have spoken of my upbringing, my experience with my biological parents and my boundary setting. 
While hugely important, that is not the topic of today’s post. Today we look at the story we tell ourselves of our past, how some of the structures and paradigms of how we were raised affect us, and how we can heal some of those wounds and change the programming so that, moving forward, we break these generational patterns. This is the root of conscious parenting. Today we turn the lens of awareness on how those things affect our parenting. If you’re not a parent, this message is still for you as you had parents. I have many clients who aren’t parents yet still care for the others in their lives in ways that are not as helpful as they can be. Whether it’s their spouse, their friends, or their own parents, learning more about why we do what we do will always benefit us and our community at large.
Mindful and Conscious Parenting
And so, let’s learn and grow! We are the adults. We brought our child into this world and it is our responsibility to learn the tools and knowledge so as to best parent these innocent beings. To learn the tools of conscious parenting.
Too often as parents, we try to push our kids to live a childhood we wish we had had: us but better – version 2.0! EG: Hey, I never made the soccer team in college so I had better start Julie in soccer at age 5 even though she cries before practice and says she just wants to draw. We are not here to mold our children into some mini-me version of ourselves nor are we here to re-do our own past. In fact, it is my belief that we are not here to mold our children into anything. They are their own beings and they are here to have their own unique experience on earth.
We are here for one reason. To love them. All of them. Love their loudness. Love their uniqueness. Love their laziness. Love their energy. Love their lack of focus. Love their focus. Love love love on them. All of them. Love their idiosyncrasies. Love how they’re not like you. Love how they are like you. Love their experience as they learn to manage their emotions. Loving them doesn’t mean we let them walk all over us. Love involves setting limits. Love involves caring consequences. Love very much means we manage our minds so we don’t leak our own sh*t on them. Love means we dig into exploring and understanding our past to learn why some of their behaviors trigger us. Love means we learn to manage our emotions. Love means when we get triggered or annoyed by our child, we are adult enough to step back and realize it’s our issue. This is at the heart of conscious parenting.
How to Parent Consciously and Compassionately
How do we do this loving? Like most things in life, it’s simple and not at all easy. Yet it’s time for this work. As my great mentor, Wayne Dyer says, choose to not inherit disfunction. Choose to parent differently today. To practice conscious parenting. If you don’t have kids, choose to love those in your life differently. It doesn’t matter if you spent yesterday yelling, blaming arguing, or belittling. You did the best you could with the tools you had. Today’s a new day. When we know better we do better. Here are two simple but not easy ways to start:
1) Dig into yourself
Open your mind to investigate the messages you received as a kid, from your parents or primary caregivers. This is not about blaming them. Remember, they did the best they could with the tools they had. This is about looking back to learn. Get out a piece of paper and start writing the answers to these questions:
- What was modeled for you?
- In which ways do you want to be like your parents?
- In which ways do you want to parent differently?
- What did you want from a parent that you never got?
- Which parent’s love did you crave most?
- What did you need to be for that parent?
- For more journal questions, click here.
2) Commit to unconditional love of your child
I know, I know… I hear you now: “Come on Susie, what kind of parent do you think I am?” Hey, I know you love your child but love is a feeling that is generated by our thoughts. It is in the F line of the model. What are you thinking about your child that leads to the feeling of love? Are you thinking they’re not enough? They’re not doing it right? Those are not thoughts that generate love. They generate fear and when we parent and relate from a place of fear we constrain our lives and the lives of those around us.
Choose to not pass on that legacy. Write your thoughts about your kids. Get them out on paper so you can see if your thoughts are creating more love or more fear. Kindly question your thoughts as to why you think they need to be different? Why do you think they should do it your way? Why are you telling yourself you know better than their internal warrior? Where can you draw a line in the sand and not pass that dysfunction down?
Love can also be in the A-line of the model as an action. Something we do. I encourage you to do it up. Turn up the heat on that love action. Love all of your child or if you’re not a parent, love all of that other person in your life. Practice thoughts that generate the feeling of love and then love them up! No matter. Love it when they don’t do what you want them to do. Love it when they do what you want them to do. Love the way they annoy you as it shows you what you can work on. Love the way they remind you of pieces of yourself you don’t like. Love the way they remind you of pieces of yourself that you do like. Love, love, love them. A rampage of love. Marinate them in love.
The outside world will not do this yet your blanket of love will protect them out there. True, pure, all-encompassing love is the best gift you can give them. You have to dig deep into understanding yourself and your triggers in order to love in this pure way. This is why I do the work I do. This is why a lot of my work focuses on your inner voice and your relationship with yourself.
Pure, deep, profound love of others requires deep, profound love of yourself.
I know. You’re not there yet. That’s okay. This is a perfect place and an awesome day to start. It is a work in progress. I am triggered every day. The difference is that I have learned to slow down my reaction to external events. When I take care of my relationship with myself and am aware and respectful of my needs, I can pause and think of why I’m triggered before responding. The more we can compassionately look at and learn from our past, the better able we are to show up in this present, amazing day.
Conscious Parenting and Conscious Living
Take the first step today. Learn why you’re doing this. You’re an adult and it’s time to take responsibility for your happiness. If you’re choosing to do things because of what others will think of you, the good news is you’ve found me, this blog, this podcast, and you’re in the right place. If you’re choosing to do things out of confusion of what the other options are, of what the heck else could you do? You’re in the right place. If you’re choosing to do things because you’re thinking it would be too hard to do something new or why bother? You’re in the right place. I’ve been there. I help hundreds of women and I’m here to help you.
Please contact me for judgment-free help. I have all tiers of help that fit all finances. I got into this business because I acted how others wanted me to act for years. I then told myself that there wasn’t a different way for me and to suck it up. I did that for years. I let other people tell me what to do instead of listening to my inner guidance, what I call my inner warrior. That landed me in the hospital. Literally.
I’d like to help you all skip the hospital step to get to the freedom and empowerment of your own mid-life awakening. When we allow ourselves to be our true selves we show our kids and the other people in our lives that they can be their true selves.
Want to Pass on Dysfunction?
If our kids see us morphing and changing to please others, they learn that’s the way to act and get by in this world. They also learn that their true self is not enough. Let’s stop this trend. We are in charge of whether our kids inherit dysfunction and whether our kids learn that what others think of us is more important than what we think of us. Today is a new day. Make this the day you do the two steps I mention in this episode in addition to listening.
- Where are you hiding?
- What are you doing that you don’t want to be doing?
- Where are you apologizing for who you are?
- Where are you hiding your true desires?
Let’s go warriors! This is about you showing up as your best self so as to light the way for others. #togetherwerise.
You are listening to this podcast for a reason and I don’t believe in coincidences. Some part of this message needed to be heard by you right here right now and I am so glad you listened. I pour love on you dear warrior. All of you.
If you’re interested in my 4-part parenting course, click this link and I’ll send you more information.
