Do you know what the biggest killer of a dream is?
The reason we’re not going after the life we want to be living is because we doubt ourselves. It’s because of what’s going on between our ears; our own inner voice. Sure we can blame our mothers, husbands, brothers, or neighbors but ultimately as adults, we are in charge. If we think we can, we can. If we think we can’t, we can’t.
When we radically believe in ourselves, when we have what I spoke of in an earlier blogpost this series, radical self acceptance, it doesn’t matter what others think we can do or what others think about what we are doing. It’s what we think of us that matters. The truth is, what we think is possible for us is what’s possible for us. What we think about ourselves is what matters way more than what others think of us.
As adults, it is our responsibility to love and accept ourselves. It’s not our mom’s responsibility, our spouse’s, our neighbor’s or our some random facebook friend. It is our responsibility to support and approve of ourselves deliberately and on purpose.
Choose to Radically and Unequivocally Accept Yourself
I invite you to decide on purpose to believe in yourself. I encourage you to decide on purpose to think thoughts that uplift and inspire you; to decide on purpose to surround yourself with those who lift you up rather than empty you out; to decide on purpose to care more about what you think of you than what others think about you.
Choose to radically support yourself.
To have your own back.
Choose to feel better today.
Choose to radically and unequivocally love yourself. Choose to build your confidence.
Three Steps to a More Confident You:
1. Deliberate Consciousness:
This is an invitation to pay attention to what you tell yourself about yourself. What do you think about when you think about yourself? What are you telling yourself about yourself? Who’s opinion of you are you prioritizing? This is something I dive into in my flagship program because how we think about ourselves is paramount to how we show up in this world. Please don’t skip this step. You deserve radical self acceptance.
2. Deliberate Thinking:
This step is all about deliberately choosing what you will think about yourself on purpose. Once you’ve become aware of what you’re thinking about yourself in step one, consciously decide whether it’s helpful to think that way about yourself. Consciously and deliberately decide on purpose what you’re going to think about yourself. Tune out all the chatter and external input of what you should be, what your mom thinks you should be doing, or what that friend is doing on Facebook, and choose to think on purpose.
Confidence doesn’t happen to us. It isn’t something we are born with. We don’t miraculously feel confident one day and not the other day. It is a feeling state that comes from thoughts we are thinking. What do you want to believe about yourself? What do you want to think when you think about yourself? This is where bridge thoughts come in handy. If you don’t have my bridge thoughts free worksheet yet, here’s a link to get it. Bridge thoughts are magical to help you get from what you currently believe about yourself and your life to where you want to go.
For example: Say you notice that your inner voice is telling u that you don’t finish things and are lazy. Let’s say you decide that you want to think that you’re motivated and finish things. I won’t get into the brain science here but that’s too far of a jump for you to take and you need what I call a bridge thought. Get the free handout and find something that feels like a good in between thought, a good stepping stone, a bridge, on your way to thinking higher of yourself. Something like: “I look forward to feeling motivated.” Or “It feels good when I choose to believe that I finish things”. Put that bridge thought on a sticky note or write it in the notes on your phone. Vote for yourself. Think deliberately.
3. Deliberate Action:
Confidence doesn’t land on you. It is a feeling that comes from thinking thoughts that generate the feeling of confidence. In other words, confidence comes from doing. I have structures in place in my day to insure that I generate confidence. It is a continual practice of doing. You can’t get a six-pack from reading a book. You have to do the work. You can’t get confidence from sitting around. You get to do it. One way to start is with a nightly win list.
Nightly Win List: Each night before you go to bed, list 3 things that you accomplished or that you are proud of yourself for that day. Our brains are wired to look for the negative. They are wired to remind us of what we did wrong and what went wrong. Think of your brain like a horse in a field. Are you going to let it run wild and crazy? Not on my watch. Grab the reins and direct your brain to look for 3 things that went well in your day. Writing it down is the action that wires it into your brain and helps raise your confidence. Do this step and begin to build your confidence muscle.
I Vote For You
Your life is the result of the thoughts you’re thinking about your life and about you. Why are you thinking what you’re thinking? This post is all about living consciously, intentionally, and deliberately. Deliberate awareness, deliberate thinking, and deliberate action. An examined life is a life well lived. You will not get to the end of your life with regrets if you stop along the way to assess and tune in. Let’s do it.
Become your best supporter, the number one advocate of you for you.
Want Some Help?
If you’re ready to jump in but want some help, it’s your lucky day. I help women live lives they love in my super popular program and membership community. I only open the doors to my program two times a year and that time is now! Finding Joy in Everyday Life is open now. It’s open for a short period of time twice a year and this is one of those golden windows of opportunities.
If you find yourself listening to the podcasts and thinking “I will do that” or “I will write that list”, and then get to the next week and think: “dammit, what happened?” This program is for you. We have accountability, group support, live coaching from me, and much, much more. Learn why the women who join say it’s the best gift they’ve given to themselves. Don’t miss out. I don’t open the doors again until 2021. It’s time.
You matter to me.