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Do you spend more time believing in the future you want or finding excuses for why it’s not possible?
In the last post, we addressed the importance of paying attention to the story you are telling yourself about your past and about yourself.
Does thinking of your past in that way help you move towards a future you want? Or does it keep you stuck in a pattern of BS: blame and shame. Either blaming other people and situations for where you are or shaming yourself for why you don’t have or feel how you want to. How’s that working for you?
What story do you tell yourself about your future?
What do you believe is possible for you? This is called future casting. Forecasting your future and what you believe is possible has a lot to do with what ends up being possible for you. What is possible for you?
- What do you think your next year will be like?
- What about your next 5 years?
- What do you think your life will be like in10 years?
- What do you believe about yourself and how well you’re ageing?
Why do we sell ourselves and our futures short?
When we put our own limits and limiting beliefs on ourselves and our futures, it’s usually because of one of two reasons: We either don’t believe it’s possible for us or we aren’t willing to do, be or give what it takes to get there.
Future Road Block #1: We don’t believe it’s possible for us
Oh dear warrior, I get it. There are two reasons we believe it’s not possible for us. Either it’s that we are looking around at a bunch of gloom and doom and think that’s all that is possible or we look at someone’s bright bubbly life and think that’s not possible for us.
Both are damaging and unhelpful. Let’s look at the first: the gloom and doom. What do I mean by this? Looking at the gloom and doom? If everyone around you is complaining about their kids, their parents, their partners, who are you to think you should have something different? Or if the people around you consistently avoid their life by drinking or eating or Facebooking or Netflixing at the end of the day to numb out, you’re going to think that that’s an acceptable way of moving through life. That to ask for more would be cray cray. It’s like we’re collectively throwing our hands up like, yep, this is what it is so I better numb it out rather than shift some part of the day that’s landing me in misery. Let’s go ingest some chemicals so we can get to the next day. Get it? That’s the gloom and doom. You saw it growing up, you are around it now, why would you think it could be different for you? Do you think you’re a special snowflake?
This leads me right to the other side of this belief coin: it’s when we think it’s not possible for us because others are that shiny snowflake and we’re not. It’s when we believe better isn’t possible for us because we believe that the people with shiny lives have some special something that we don’t have nor could ever have. This can come from a deep-seated belief that you don’t have what it takes, you’re not good enough, you’ll never be good enough, who do you think you are? Run run run so others don’t discover your true self or… from a place of blame and lack thinking those people have something you don’t, special support or confidence or courage. Nope nope nope. Sure there’s privilege. Yet ironically, I was raised with great privilege and this was my experience. I grew up believing that I could never have what others had because I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t know enough. I wasn’t enough. Unfortunately, these limiting beliefs are privilege and class-free. Don’t get me wrong, privilege helps in many many ways yet it is not a transactional affair. This leads us to the second reason why people don’t go after their dreams.
Future Road Block #2: We don’t want to…
Remember, the first reason is they don’t believe it’s possible. If you think you can’t you can’t. If you think you can, you can. The second reason is they are not willing to do, to be, or to give what is necessary to get that dream. And by “do”, it often doesn’t mean something herculean like moving continents, changing studies, and going into a different career field. In fact, most of the time the action needed for change is quite small. Small hinges move big doors.
Changing your future is done in small steps. The “do” ing can be small like having that conversation with your partner that begins with “I feel so disconnected in our marriage…” Doing can be small like telling your kids that you are setting a timer for 20 minutes, closing the door of your bedroom, and doing that thing you’ve been putting off. Doing can be small like instead of wondering how your neighbor has all that confidence, realizing confidence is a muscle and deciding to actually do one of the many practices I speak of in these posts or in the Facebook group. Doing can be small. Instead of wishing you were in better shape, it’s putting on your sneakers and going outside for 5 minutes a day starting today.
There are 1440 minutes in a day. Where are you spending more time making excuses rather than getting started? Finding reasons for why your vision of your future won’t work instead of getting into the action of making it happen? Where are you talking yourself out of the future you want?
Are you creating a future you don’t want?
Many of us, myself included, spend a lot of time creating a future in our heads that we don’t want.
I did this just the other day and I explain it in the audio of this post’s relating podcast Listen Here. Until then know that I got into worrying and dreaming up a reality I didn’t want to have happen. That’s what the creative brains do and mine did it. It went to work imagining a reality I didn’t want. Do you know how worrying is defined? Using your imagination for negative. How often do you do this when you’re thinking of your future? What are you thinking about your life?
Remember we are homo sapiens. We get to think about what we think about. Our job isn’t to believe everything our brain says. It is to hear everything it says and then to decide what we will think on purpose. Let me repeat that as it’s been one of the secrets to living a life I love. It is not our job to believe everything our brain says, it is not our job to believe and listen to every thought the brain sends our way. It is our job to be aware of what our brain is thinking and then to decide on purpose which thoughts serve us; which thoughts energize us, which thoughts empower us? Which thoughts create the feelings that support the action needed to create the future we want?
What are you thinking about your future?
If we think we can, we can.
If we think we can’t, we can’t.
What are you believing about your life?
What are you believing about your possibility?
Where are you telling yourself you can’t?
Where are you telling yourself it’s not possible for you?
Those aren’t truths. Those are your limiting beliefs. Remember, a belief is a thought we tell ourselves over and over until we believe it’s true. Today is a great day to shift some of those beliefs. How? Get out your journal and start by answering some of these questions:
- What do you believe is possible for you?
- What do you want?
- What is getting in your way?
- Why don’t you have what you want?
- Why aren’t you taking the action to get what you want?
- Why aren’t you taking the action to create that future?
- If this were a book, how does your story end?
That’s where the golden nuggets are. This work is best done with a coach. Sure you can do it yourself it just takes a whole lot longer. And my question to you is why are you waiting? Why are you waiting to live a life you love? Why are you choosing to settle for good enough? Let me or one of my coaches help you.
Let me help you figure out which thoughts to practice to fill you with the energy and enthusiasm to create the future you want.
It’s up to you to practice thinking the thoughts that generate the feeling that drives the action you need to take to get the future you want.
To get something you’ve never had you have to do what you’ve never done.
Practice spending more time believing in yourself and your future than doubting yourself and your future.
Close your eyes. Picture yourself a year from now, five years from now, 10 years from now? Thinking of that woman and feeling the pride in that woman you’ve become! That’s you warrior! What have you done? Where did you show up for yourself? Which excuses did you stop using? Step into a life you want instead of perpetuating the life you are living.
What do you believe is possible for you?
And if you don’t have a life coach yet, I’d love to be yours. I’d love to support you in ways that can fast-track you to that life you love. Yes, you know what to do. But are you doing it? Start with one of these three steps today and your year will be different:
- Sign up to get my weekly newsletter full of free support for you www.smbwell.com/newsletter
- Subscribe to my podcast and commit to listen weekly. The more messaging you give your brain that’s uplifting and supportive, the more uplifted and supported you’ll be. www.smbwell.com/subscribe
- Join the Warrior Women Community on Facebook. I offer free coaching in there and live trainings. facebook.com/groups/smbwell