Relationships without fighting? Absolutely. Without arguing? No way!
What’s the difference you ask? Two things:
- The Process: How is it done? When arguing, you come together to discuss a disagreement. You listen to your partner. You explain your point of view and feel heard. You both feel safe to express your differing views knowing that your love isn’t conditional on the discussion. Fighting involves nastiness, name-calling, and you are often slinging mean words and insults at each other. You might as well be wearing ear plugs because you are not listening to what they’re saying. You are defensive and the stress hormone cortisol is coursing through your body.
- The Product: What is the goal and the end result? The end result of arguing is a deeper understanding of what your partner thinks. Your goal is resolution. Fighting leaves you feeling depleted and disconnected from your partner. Your goal is to prove your partner wrong; for your ego to “win”.
How does arguing play out in a romantic relationship? Beautifully. Humans are hard-wired to connect. We must have someone in our life with whom we can laugh, cry, and be ourselves. When two people come together as a team, to share their ideas + experiences, they grow individually and as a couple. It feels damn good.
How does fighting play out in romantic relationships? Not well. When you are pitted against each other, home can become a battlefield: “Oh right, you think you’re tired?! Give me a break! Listen to my day…..” It’s as if, in allowing your partner to be tired, you can’t also be tired. BS! Guess what? You can both be tired. Grab his hand and go out on the porch to put your feet up.
One person can change a relationship. Choose to drop the drama. Drop the conflict. It doesn’t have to be either or. Choose to approach your partners as just that: a partner. You are a team.
Together you rise.
Divided you fall.
It’s your choice.