Does it feel like Valentine’s Day was weeks ago? You and your spouse already arguing about carpools, laundry, or just generally snippy? This post will help you take the passion from Valentine’s Day and pour it into concrete actions to improve your everyday love life. It is possible to feel connected as if, in an on-going love affair with your significant other. Choose one of these actions to do for the next 30 days. If your relationship doesn’t shift for the better, email me and I’ll give you a free coaching session. I have seen couples start taking small, consistent actions and watch their relationship transform. Yes, even if you’ve been married for years. Even if you have 2 kids. Even if you are barely talking. Why not give it a try? Choose one and start today:
Daily Written Texts or Notes: Send a loving text or leave a loving note for your beloved every day for the next 30 days. Be deliberate and set a timer to remind you to text or write the note a the same time every day. Your definition of a “loving note” will be different from your friend’s loving note and this is okay. It’s important you do what’s authentic for you. Writing a text that says: “Each day with you is a gift. I love you so deeply” will be out-of-alignment and not work if you are barely speaking to your spouse. Start where you are and keep it simple: “Thanks for taking the garbage out today” or even simpler, “Thinking of you”. Just start. This daily reinforcement of love will significantly change the dynamics of your relationship. One person can make a difference in a relationship and this is an example of how. There are two main reasons why daily texts or notes can profoundly shift the dynamics of a relationship:
1) The most obvious: your mate will benefit. No matter how hard-hearted, getting a positive text or note adds a glimmer to his or her day. Keep it up for 30 days and BOOM. It will shift his or her energetic state. Try it. Our brain holds on to the negative comments we hear and lets the positive ones pass by. It’s estimated that we need 5 positive comments for every negative one. Sending this daily text is a place to start.
2) Your mindset. Choosing to send a daily text directs your mind to look for the positive in your mate and your relationship. Your mindset matters and what you look for you will find. If you look for how your partner annoys you or what he doesn’t do around the house, you will come up with plenty. Knowing you have this note to write, you will instead look for what you love about your partner and your relationship together. What does he/she do well? What do you love about right now?
G&G: Greetings and Goodbyes: Have you ever had a puppy? Do you notice how they greet you? It’s like you are the most important thing in their world. They stop what they’re doing. They run to you. They act as if they’re seeing you for the first time in months. They jump up and down. They are so profoundly happy to have you back in their life. For the next 30 days, greet and say goodbye to your mate with the enthusiasm and energy of a puppy. Stop what you’re doing when s/he leaves or comes home for the day. Look him/her in the eye. Touch him. This energy will be contagious. Not only will it affect him or her, you will be affected. Let me know what happens.
Weekly Soul-full Sex: Yep, I said weekly. At least. No matter your age. No matter how many kids you have. And yes, you need to schedule it in if it’s not currently happening once a week. One of the biggest reasons couples feel emotionally disconnected is because they’re physically disconnected. I’ve had clients write SS on the calendar (Soulful sex) for all to see. It’s something both partners look forward to with anticipation and it changes the dynamic during the week. You’re sending a message to you and to your mate: Our relationship is important to me. The more you physically connect, the more you’ll emotionally connect. Relationship expert, Melissa Ambrosini, describes two kinds of sex: junk food sex and soul full sex. We’ve all had our share of junk food sex. We all need more soulful sex. Sex that fills your soul. Soul-full sex is about you taking responsibility for yourself and your needs. Get to know yourself: What do you like? What sets the mood for you? What don’t you like? Speak up! Maybe you read somewhere that all women like (fill in the blanK) but you don’t like that. Well, then speak up! I hear from so many women that “just want to get it done” (I used to be one!). There is a different way. Sex can be hugely enjoyable for both partners. Do you know we don’t hit our sexual prime until our mid-30s? And then it gets better and better? How? Two main ways: (1) LEARN what you like and (2) SPEAK UP. The idea that “he should know” is blasphemous. You are unique. How would he know unless you tell him? Be the adult and ask for what you need. And yes, when the day on the calendar arrives, you might not feel red hot and ready. That’s fine. You’re still doing it. This sort of practice is fun. I know a dab of ylang ylang essential oil on my inner things will turn me from a tired, not-in-the-mood mom to an eager, sexual being. Or try this fun “mild-ish” sex game. What do you need? Use this month to learn about yourself and you will find your relationship will take off. When you’re able to be physically open and intimate, you’re able to be emotionally and mentally intimate. I have never seen a relationship suffer from having regular, soulful sex. Click To Tweet
What do you notice about these 3 things for you to try? Not a single one costs a cent. No excuses necessary. Choose one and get started today. And don’t hold back…share your tips with me: what do to keep the love alive in your relationship?