How to STOP listening to Other People’s Opinions
Raise your hand if you’ve ever thought one of these thoughts about other people’s opinions:
- What will people think?
- How will they react?
- I wonder what people will say about me?
My prediction is that 100% of you raised your hand.
Frustration and regret are born when we listen to other people’s opinions; certain specific people’s opinions. For that reason, let’s get crystal clear on who’s opinions and thoughts of us matter so we can live a life we love. First we will discuss how it is not possible for everyone to love us, then we will investigate the three main groups of naysayers, and finally, how to start developing your personal pump squad today1
Not Everyone Will Love You
Other people will have opinions about you. Other people will judge you. Other people are going to have opinions about you and your decisions. If we rank everyone’s opinions about us equally, we will never get anywhere in life.
Furthermore, taking other peoples opinions of us personally is a waste of our frigging time. A waste of our life force. If we take every negative opinion to heart, we are going to spend a lot of time in what I call thought drama. Other people’s opinions are none of our business. They have more to do with that person’s likes and dislikes than us.
People are going to have opinions about who we are, what we wear, how we raise our kids, how we decorate our houses, how we drive our cars….We are humans. We have different brains. We are unique. Save yourself a lot of thought drama and people pleasing by accepting that people are going to judge and have opinions of you no matter what you do.
The first kind of dream stealer is the obvious one: This is the person who is transparent in their criticism. They don’t hide their eye rolls or their passive aggressive comments. They’re the one who says: “of course you have a new business idea. You’re such a dreamer.” Further they may say: “oh right another eating plan. What makes you think this one will work?”.
Since we’re calling this one the obvious villain or dream stealer, I’ll bet you understand that the obvious action here is to STOP speaking of your dreams and desires in front of this person. Even if they’re your neighbor. Even if they’re your sister. Even if they’re your parent. Especially if. Don’t let their opinions and limited thinking into your head.
The Secretive Dream Stealer:
The secretive villain is harder to spot as they usually lead with a smile or comment like “I’m only saying this because I care about you”. Whereas what they should be saying is: “I’m only saying this because seeing you dream and push your limits makes me feel small and like I’ve wasted my life listening to my excuses”. Or, “I’m afraid you’ll fail and so, to manage my own inability to handle fear and anxiety, I’m going to smack talk your dreams and tell you they’re not possible.” In other words, they’re so afraid you’ll be disappointed taking that action, they’d rather you live a disappointing life.
Oh my. No matter the label that the person holds: mother, father, sister, husband, friend, coworker, these are the sneaky thoughts and opinions we don’t want to let into our head. Repeat after me: Other peoples opinions are none of my business. They have nothing to do with me. They are a window into their brains and highlight their own fears and limitations. Be very careful when listening to these people.
Your Scaredy Cat Brain
Dream stealer number three is inside your pretty head. Without a doubt, one of our worst dream stealers is between our two ears. Knowing about our brain’s motivational triad is huge as is taking deliberate and intentional steps every damn day to fill our confidence bucket. Get different voices in your head. Change how you think of yourself so the internal dream stealer quiets down. Use the tool from the episode earlier this month and practice the “I’m the type of women who…” prompt. Just because it’s in your head, doesn’t mean you have to listen to it.
And now that we know of the three main dream stealers, opinions of people we don’t want to listen to, how about those that we WANT to listen to?
Your Pump Team
Yes warriors, it’s okay to seek other’s opinions. In fact, it’s normal. We want to make sure we are intentional and mindful about who’s opinions we’re valuing. It’s time to develop your pump team!
What’s a pump team? Your pump team is the assortment of people who you turn to for advice. They are emotionally intelligent. Your pump team knows that reaching for goals and dreams will feel uncomfortable and scary.
Further, the people on your pump team are taking action in their lives. They’re consistently taking risks and speaking of those risks. Pump team members are committed to their evolvement and showing up here on earth in their truest nature. You will have different pump teams. You may have a pump team for relationship, a pump team for your wellness, a pump team for your career goals
Brainstorm as to who’s on your different pump teams (and who needs to be kicked out). For example, when I was starting my coaching business, I didn’t ask my dad, a man who spent my formative years telling me that women don’t belong in business and women aren’t good business leaders, for advice or for his opinion. Rather I know that if I’m pushing myself and my limits in business, my husband Paul is captain of my pump team as he believes in me and my possibility so strongly and fully.
If I’m pushing myself on my fitness or wellness, I have a different pump team. Who’s captain of my wellness pump team? My youngest son Jay. If I tell him I want to work on hip flexibilty, he’s the first to say “go for it mom” and the last to say “really? At your age”?
Please note: as you’re brainstorming who’s on your different pump teams, please please please pay some attention to the way these people live their lives.
For example, if you are asking for relationship advice, make sure the person you’re asking advice from has the sort of relationship you strive for. If you’re asking for parenting advice, make sure that person is the sort of parent you aspire to be. If you’re asking for wellness advice, observe their wellness. Career advice, make sure they’ve taken risks and expanded in a way that you aspire to. Etc etc… don’t go to the taco store looking for sushi.
Letting Go of Other People’s Opinions
That’s it for this post, dear warrior. Pay attention to the dream stealers in your life: the obvious and the sneaky. And begin to cultivate your pump teams. Community is so important.
If you’re looking for a community of women who are doing the work, who are dreaming, who are consistently showing up and taking aciton, join the warrior monthly membership. Who you surround yourself with matters.
When I was beginning in business and before I was married to my pump squad captain Paul, my pump squad was an online community of women who helped me see my potential and held me accountable to my weekly steps. I have that for you. All you have to do is take the scary action of joining. Not scary because of the price or commitment, scary because your primitive brain wants to keep you where you are; it wants you to keep believing your fears, believing that since you haven’t done it yet, that you can’t do it. BS.
Your future is yours to make. If you’re not excited and in love with what your’e creating in your life, join us. I’d love to be your pump squad captain.