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Supporting the Anxious People in Your Life

Parenting is tough, and relationships can be challenging, especially when anxiety is involved. On this episode of the Love Your Life Show, we’ll explore practical strategies to support the anxious individuals in your life—whether it’s your teenager, young adult child, or partner—without sacrificing your own well-being.

This blog post draws from my Love Your Life Show episode, where I shared how we can strengthen the confidence and resilience of the people around us while also maintaining our own peace.

Let’s dive in!

Voices in Our Heads

We all have different patterns of thinking that we have inherited from our parents, our surroundings, our culture, and other influences. Some of these thoughts might sound like our mom, or like our dad, or like our 4th grade math teacher. The things we think influence how we feel and act and the results we see in our lives. 

Learning to separate ourselves from these “voices” and to see them as thoughts in our head is one of the first steps to emotional maturity. I”m chuckilng because you might have thought I’d say it’s one of the first steps to identifying yourself as a schizophrenic! Nope! We all have the voices and the better we get at identifying these voices and seeing them as choices whether or not we listen to them, the more in control of our lives we will feel.

As a parent coach, I like teaching our kids to be on the lookout for these three specific voices. I find that when teens can discern between these three they build confidence, feel less anxious, and are more resilient.

Self Talk: Build Confidence or Anxiety

• The Inner Critic: This is the harsh, judgmental voice. It says things like, “You’re not good enough,” or, “Why even try? You’ll just fail.” This voice fuels self-doubt, anxiety, and discouragement.
• The Inner Rebel: This voice might seem like a friend at first, but it subtly encourages us to give up. It says things like, “Who cares? Let’s just quit and go get tacos,” or, “This is too hard—why bother?” This voice talks our teens and young adult children out of their dreams and goals
• The Inner Coach: This is the voice we want to nurture. It’s supportive, empathetic, and empowering. It says, “That must feel disappointing. What can we learn from this?” or, “This is tough, but you’ve got this.” The inner coach acknowledges emotions and encourages us to keep moving forward toward our goals.

How These Voices Show Up

Let’s take an example: Your teen comes home with a D on a chemistry lab. Here’s how each voice might respond:
• Inner Critic: “You’re so dumb. Everyone thinks you’re a failure.”
• Inner Rebel: “Chemistry is pointless. Let’s just play video games and forget about it.”
• Inner Coach: “Wow, that’s tough. I know you wanted to do better. What do you think happened?”
Now, pause and reflect: Which voice do you most closely mimic as a parent to your child? How about as an adult to yourself? 

What Parents Can Do

When our kids share a challenge with us, our natural instinct might be to correct or soothe them. Unfortunately, this often strengthens their inner critic or rebel. Instead, we can model and reinforce their inner coach.

• Avoid Reinforcing the Inner Critic

Comments like, “Maybe next time you should study without the TV on,” might seem helpful, but they fuel self-doubt and shame.

• Avoid Encouraging the Inner Rebel

Saying things like, “That teacher is so unfair—don’t worry about it,” might soothe them momentarily, but it distracts them from feeling the disappointment and learning from it.

• Strengthen Their Inner Coach

Instead, say: “Oh wow, I’m sorry to hear that. What do you think was going on?” Then pause. Sit with them in their feelings without jumping in to fix or minimize the discomfort. Listen in to the Love Your Life Show Podcast to hear more examples of what you can do to support this inner coach. 

Change Starts with You

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by these ideas, don’t let your inner critic or rebel talk you out of taking action. You can absolutely learn these skills and change your family dynamics.

In my Love Your Life School, we go deep into strategies like these, helping parents strengthen their relationships while also growing their confidence and emotional resilience. 

Parenting is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. Remember, your words and actions have a profound impact on the people around you. By reinforcing their inner coach, you’re helping them build confidence and resilience that will serve them for a lifetime. Let me help you help them. Working with a coach will make these changes take place faster. Let’s go!

QUICK! Be one of the first five to join the Love Your Life School for March and get a FREE parenting consult ($250). Find out more here.

Or quickly join here.

(If you’re reading this past March 2025, please email support@SMBwell.com and I’ll see what special treat I can throw together for you!)