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January is all about looking at our lives and evaluating what is working for us and what is not. January is a time to bring into action this concept I refer to as โMindful Livingโ. Namely, living in a way where we are intentional and conscious about how weโre spending our days. What time do we want to wake up? What do we want to eat for lunch? How do we want to feel like when weโre done with our days?
Intentional Living
Putting a little bit of time to think about the choices you make every day will bring a lot of ease and calm into our lives. Earlier this month I wrote about our mornings and how to set yourself up for success in the morning. Today, I am discussing broad ways we can approach our lives that, when done consistently, create big changes. Have you heard of the compound effect where finances and investing is concerned? That happens in our life too. If we consistently set an alarm to walk for 20 minutes, weโll be in a much different place a year from now than if we consistently hit snooze. If we consistently have a cup of tea instead of a cookie at night, we will be in a different place a month from now. If we only say yes to things we want to do, we will be less resentful and strung out next year this time. I could go on and on. The point is:
“Pay attention to the Small Things You Do as They Add Up to be the Big Things.”ย
Here are six things that Happy Moms routinely do:ย
1) View Self Care as Mandatory
Happy moms take care of themselves. They view their self care as something they do for the family, not something done to the family. They understand that it is not selfish to take care of themselves but rather that itโs selfish not to take care of themselves. If you don’t yet prioritize your wellness and your care, ask yourself why. Usually it’s because we’re telling ourselves some variation of the story that our needs aren’t as important, that we “should” be stronger and able to handle scant sleep and crappy care. Sure, itโs important for our kids to eat whole foods, to get the sleep their bodies need, to spend some time outside, to limit their time with technology, but us?! Sorry mamas but the same rules apply. 6 Things Happy Moms Do Click To Tweet
2) Say No
Happy moms say no. They are aware that their energy is limited and they do not do anyone any favors when they say yes to everything. You and your family are best served when you do what you want to do and say no to the things you donโt. You have certain skills and interests for a reason. When I say yes to the things that donโt light me up, Iโm taking an opportunity from someone else. Further, when I say yes to things I donโt want to do, I donโt have the time or energy to spend on the things that Iโm actually here to do. I end up bitter and resentful and no one wins. Choose to say no. Choose JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out) instead of FOMO for a happier year.
3) Give Without Expectation of Return
Happy moms give without thinking of what theyโll get in return. This goes hand in hand with saying no to the things they donโt want to do. Think about it: When we are doing the things we want to do (volunteering because we want to or helping someone because we want to help), then we donโt really care what comes back to us. On the contrary, think of when you say yes to something you really donโt want to do. Why are you saying yes? Usually itโs because we think someone else will be grateful for our actions or feel indebted and then help us when we ask for help. Sorry guys, it rarely plays out this way.
I see so many women who give, give, give to people who take, take, take. We teach people how to treat us. If we teach people that we will always put our lives on hold when they need something, we have no one to blame but ourselves when they do it again. And then, when we ask for help and they say no, we have no real right to feel the resentment and bitterness that we feel.
How to get around this? Say no when your inner warrior tells you to say no and then say yes when you feel lit up and excited about saying yes.ย
4) Plan their work and work their plan
Writing down a plan for our days moves us from living a reactive life to living an intentional life. Get out your calendar and look at what your next day holds. Write down any tasks you must do in a time slot. I repeat: write down the things that must get done in a time slot. Why must we write them in a time slot? Because those โmust dosโ are usually the things we put off while we do the easier or โmore funโ things. When we get to the end of the day without them done we beat ourselves up for not doing them, feel like crud, and then do one of two things. Either do them then (when our brain is tired and it takes us twice as long) or, we put it on our list of things to do tomorrow (not quite believing that weโll get it done).
Further, I suggest picking one thing you want to get done each day and focusing on that. No, Iโm not living in a fairy land. Like you, I also have 400 things I could get done on any given day. But I have trained my brain to prioritize and act on what must get done today. I ask myself: โWhat task can I do that, tonight, when lying in bed, Iโll feel happy?โ I then schedule that in my day at a specific time. I choose to not let myself down. I choose to do the hard things and I encourage you to also. Put them in your schedule first thing in the morning and then move through your day with confidence.
This is one of the most powerful tools of mindful living. The more deliberately I live my life, the less I feel like a crazy woman running around putting out everyone elseโs fires Click To Tweet Plan your days or they will plan you. Hereโs a worksheet on scheduling that has helped many.
5) Manage their phone time
Happy moms are aware of how much time they want to spend on their phones and they commit to it. Set your intention for the day when you are planning your day and then include your cell or internet time on your schedule. Literally, write down when you want to check Facebook, Instagram and personal emails. Happy moms schedule these things after theyโve done the main things that need to get done for the day. [tweetshare tweet=”Checking email, FB or anything else before setting your priorities for the day allows other peopleโs emergencies and needs to drive your day.” username=”SusieBarolo”]ย It sends a quiet message to your inner warrior that your needs donโt matter as much as others.
Any activity that you havenโt consciously chosen to do negatively impacts your day, and your confidence. When I do check my email before Iโve begun my day, I get sidetracked and help others with their priorities before Iโve attacked my priorities. This increases my feeling of overwhelm and busy-ness. When I wait to check my emails, not only do I feel calmer because I get done what needs to get done in my day but even better, I usually find strings of emails with the problem already solved. Remind yourself of this: The more I email, the more email I generate. Checking email more frequently doesnโt make your email go away. In fact, itโs the opposite. The less you check, the less you have to do. Itโs best to sit down and check email at a certain time for a chunk of time (versus toggling back and forth). Same goes for Facebook or Instagram. Choose to look at your feed one time a day and thatโs it. Remove the option to check in numerous times a day. FB developers have studied how to addict our brain but you can fight back. If youโre used to checking your email and social media feeds multiple times a day, limit yourself to checking email twice a day and your social media once a day. and see what happens. Every single mom whoโs done this comes back to me saying itโs made a fundamental change in her day, her attention span, and the overall time she spends on her phone/computer. The more we email, the more we email. The less we email, the less we email. Itโs that simple. Things still get done. The Facebook feed will still be there. Problems still get solved. Itโs up to you to decide how much of a role you want it to play in your life.ย You know what you need to get done and you know when youโre letting yourself down by not doing it.
Checking email more frequently doesnโt make email go away. The more I email, the more email I generate.
6) Sleep
Happy moms prioritize their sleep. This doesnโt mean that every day is an 8 hour, uninterrupted sleep night but it does mean that they are aware ofย the benefits of sleep (beyond just not feeling like a zombie the next day) and they take steps to protect their sleep. As recently as 3 years ago, I used to aim for 6 hours of sleep. I’d consider 6 hours a successful night. I can tell you with absolute certainty that my ability to manage my moods, pay attention to my thoughts, and experience less brain fog, significantly increased once I committed to getting 8 hours of sleep. This is not easy yet I do it most nights.
Pause for a second and listen in to what you’re telling yourself. Your brain is probably looking for the out, the reason why Susie has it easy. Why she can do this but you certainly can not. BS. Iโm not some special unicorn. I am the main breadwinner in my family, I have a full business schedule and then have teenagers at home who have daily needs.
So how do I get my sleep in? Iโll tell you what I donโt do. I donโt spend my sleep time watching TV or scrolling facebook. I donโt bring my phone in my room (I would be tempted). I donโt put off the major things that need to get done in a day so that itโs 9 PM and they arenโt done. I consciously and consistently schedule my days so that I am winding down in the 9 PM hour. I voice my expectations with my sons in terms of their nighttime routine and the noise in the house.
Bottom line: I make it happen and I know you can too. Ask yourself why you arenโt getting your sleep now? Those excuses are a great place to start. As you know, your thoughts create your emotions which drive your action. If youโre telling yourself you canโt, you canโt. Choose to tell yourself something else.ย
What do you think warrior? Of those 6 things, which do you already do? Which are you close to? Which might you want to tackle in the new year? Comment below or leave me a DM at my Instagram account. I respond to every one.ย
Did any of this resonate with you?ย Consider my popular 6 Week Program starting at the end of this month. It is designed for YOU and this is the last time I’m offering it at this price with one-on-one coaching included. If you’ve ever thought of coaching, this is too good to pass up.ย Everyย single personย who’s gone through the 6 weeks has raved of the improvements they’ve had. ย It’s time, dear one.ย
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