“Do you feel as if something is missing from your life?
More of the real you.”
I spent the first part of my life doing what I told myself I ‘should’ be doing. It was like I was following a check list for Life: √ Get good grades. √Go to college. √Get married. √Have kids.
The problem is that I never stopped to think about what I was all about. Who was Susie? What did she like to do? What are her gifts? What lights her up? At some point in my 30s, I became aware of a low-level hum of discontent. As if there was another line on my “Life Checklist” that I was missing.
I tried to keep my mind off of this low-level hum of discontent. I scheduled my day so full that I didn’t have time to pay attention to it. I exercised to run away from it. I stuffed food in my mouth to stuff down the emotions. I told myself that I had no right to be unhappy. There was nothing ‘wrong’ here. I had followed the damn check list for God’s sake!
Around that time, I started a part time job. I met new people. I started to do things because I liked them, not because I read somewhere that I should. I started volunteering in an organization because I wanted to.
For me, this was a radically different way of living. I faced a lot of resistance at home and from my parents + sisters. I was consistently told that they wanted the “old Susie” back.
Thing was, I felt better than I had in my entire life. I was doing things that I enjoyed. Because of this, I was a better mom. I was less reactive and more patient. Instead of looking to someone else or some magazine for guidance as to what I should do, I looked inside. And what I was learning, was working!
Listening to my inner warrior has revolutionized every single aspect of my life: My relationships. My job. My health.
I consider myself to be in the beginning of the most intense and amazing relationship of my life. I’m getting to know this inner warrior: her strengths and her weaknesses. I am not perfect and so, there are days when I ignore her. There are days when I treat her like shit. Such is life. But, as I get to know her my life expands. I feel better. I am stronger.
One foot in front of the other.
The road is long but the journey so far is magnificent.