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Ding, ding, ding!
Do you hear that?
Your spiritual alarm clock is going off.
It’s telling you it’s time.
Time to stop playing small.
Time to be more you.
Time to speak up.
I’ve met with several groups of females of various ages in the past several weeks. One message is clear: we are selling ourselves short. As pre-teen girls, teenagers, young women, and moms: we are playing too small. We are putting others needs before ours in all relationships in our lives: random friends, coworkers, bosses, our parents, our spouses….even people we don’t like!
This is what we’re taught growing up by our parents, teachers, neighbors, and the media.
We were taught that to ask for what we needed was selfish.
We were taught to play small, to be small, to have small opinions, and small emotions.
We were taught that we are responsible for other people’s feelings.
We thought we needed to act a certain way to make him or her happy.
We were told that we are too emotional, too loud, too opinionated.
We learned that if we follow these rules, we will be loved and life will be “good”.
We became afraid of speaking up for fear of that love being taken away.
We learned to act based on what others will think of us rather than what we think of us .
We hide our opinions because we’re afraid of pissing people off, of disappointing people, of being rejected.
We learn to ignore our own feelings, beliefs and truths just to make someone else feel good.
It’s Time to Stop.
Even though it’s scary.
Even though it takes effort.
Trust me, I understand. I stopped playing small and all of my worst fears came true. My parents, my spouse, even my siblings turned away; rejected me. I was very scared. I was very sad. I was incredibly disappointed. It was an unbelievably dark period of my life.
So why would I encourage others to speak up?
Because I’ve never been happier, healthier, or felt more alive in my life.
My parents, spouse, and siblings rejection of me was not about me. Sure, there was a time I thought it was about me but that’s not true. Their rejection of me had nothing to do with me or the type of person I am. It had everything to do with them and the type of people they are. In rejecting me, they gave themselves the freedom to continue living the lives they were living. It was my actions to go against the grain of what society had taught me my whole life (my choice to speak up, to not play small, to ask for what I needed) that was scary for them and their way of life.
If you feel called to do more in this world, you will disappoint people.
People will criticize you.
People will leave your life.
That has nothing to do with you.
You’ve triggered something within that individual they’re not ready to face. That’s okay. We are all on our own journeys.
You are listening to this podcast at this time of your life for a reason. You know what needs to happen because your spiritual alarm clock has gone off. Your inner warrior is calling. You can not now go back to sleep. Your journey has started.
Change is Hard
As humans, we are programmed to grow, to evolve into that next best version of ourselves; to reach a bit higher today that we did yesterday. Yet change is not easy. In fact, it’s easier to ignore our inner desire and reach for our phone. It’s easier to ignore our inner warrior and reach for that bottle of wine or carton of ice cream. It’s easier to shop online, to watch some netflix, or to complain to our friends.
Study after study shows that even when we are aware that our current situation is making us miserable, we will return to that situation so as to avoid the hard; the discomfort of change.
Trust me, I know. I did this. For years warriors. There’s no shame in where you are and there’s no point in looking back and beating yourself up for what you haven’t yet done. Change is hard with support and almost impossible without it.
I am in this profession because when my spiritual alarm clock went off; when I started listening to my inner warrior, those closest to me left. It took my body almost breaking for me to stop playing small and to listen to my inner warrior. This doesn’t have to happen to you. I am here to support you, to cut the time needed for a change. I am here to show you the benefits of waking up, of showing up for yourself. I am here to help you surround yourself with other like-minded warriors.
I am here to assure you that the people who judge you, who talk about you, who criticize you are doing so because of their own issues and their own life experiences. Their reaction isn’t a reason for you to stop your path forward. Their reaction is about them, their life, and is completely their business.
When we are doing what others want us to do or what others think is right for us, we are putting their needs above ours. This leaves us bitter, resentful, and strung out. It is not why we’re here on earth. They can take care of their needs. It’s up to you to take care of yours.
What is your inner warrior trying to tell you? How are you showing up for yourself in your life?
Did you like this post? Continue the conversation over in our private WARRIOR WOMEN Facebook Community. We discuss all episodes and I even hop on for a live coaching opportunity every Thursday at 10:30 AM EST. And if you don’t already get my weekly warrior wellness email, whatcha waiting for? Sign up here so you don’t miss another week of fun and freebies.
Hi, Dear Susie. Your words are so encouraging and I can tell come from such a place of excitement for the work and love from your heart. This podcast hit close to home. I often wish I had a woman that has gone before me in the heartbreak of moving away from their family in order to save themselves. I started making the shift when my daughter was born 13 years ago, knowing in my entire body, heart and mind that I could not continue to be squashed by my mom’s criticism and black and white thinking. I am a separate person and the tiny fighter in me, that kept me alive while living in my family home, was screaming that enough is enough. I’ve worked for the last 13 years to create healthy boundaries and grow in the direction that I feel called. It has devastated my conservative, Christian family. It has broken them and often I feel the burden of this. I want so badly to trust your words that this is their work and me moving away just highlights their limitedness. I want to know your full story of breaking from your family. I want to know that I am not killing them. I want to know that I can live a beautiful life with my husband and kids feeling unharnessed by their disappointment and pain over my growth.
Oh dear Christen, yes, yes, and yes. Please reach out to me. My schedule is full but I’ll make room for you as this is dear to my heart. Your thoughts are bringing you a lot of pain and I am a master at helping with this. text me or firstname.lastname@example.org. xxxx You are not alone
While you’re waiting to get on my calendar, listen in to my podcasts on “manuals” and “boundaries”. I’ll also look for a podcast on estrangement that I heard a while back that was helpful. (estrangement can be full or partial) xxxx